by tanyabittner | Jul 31, 2018 | Today
Oh, hi 👋!
Sorry it’s been a fortnight (ok, longer than that), since I’ve blogged. I’ve been globetrotting, I mean, chaperoning my daughters in three states where they’ve danced from mid June until the end of July. I hardly saw them. But at least their heads hit pillows each night under the same roof as me. So eternally grateful to work remotely.
With August around the corner, it feels like a new slate; new chance to reset. At home. But wowsie, we’ve had a few interesting months… You too?
The nuances and details aren’t worth recapping, but the big picture stuff is. Lots of growth: in spirit, in faith, in dance, and in love. Here’s the quick and dirty:
Spirit
This one is fun because for me, character has everything to do with, spirit. Our character, our soul, the emotional us… and the last two months I’ve experienced a spiritual maturation. It started with putting my emotional needs and boundaries above everyone else’s. Everyone. I finally accepted that I can’t help or advise anyone if I’m not right as rain, first. The result = Less reactionary, more understanding.
Faith
Ok whoa. My daily devotions are EVERYTHING. My walk with God has never been closer. If I don’t start my day with these bible versus, by noon I literally feel the gentle tug of the Lord calling me to those pages. He’s close. And my faith and trust in Him has grown leaps and bounds! Especially during the trying times… and right now, these knees are giving me some trying times! Through faith, I can get out of the funks, and the feel sorry for myself vibes, much faster.
Dance
Not a lot to say here, except that both girls have experienced robust growth in their craft and confidence but, more importantly they know what they want and what they definitely do not want from their training, their art, and for their future goals and evolving emotional well being. So happy for them!
Love
Not just in my marriage and special relationships with each of my kids… but the love between friends, colleagues and (most all of) my family members feels reciprocal, deeper, bigger, more interconnected, compassionate, and evolved.
growth groWTH GROWTH!
Lessons and truth: the only reason I was open to this evolution was because my hair started falling out, in massive clumps. And then because, vanity… I knew it was time to change! The genesis of your transformation is irrelevant. Whatever gets you *growing* in the right direction is all that matters!!
I have some hurdles to overcome in the next few weeks, then some recovery. So I’ll be down for awhile, but never out!
More to come,
Tanya S.
by tanyabittner | May 22, 2018 | Today
Everyone needs a reset every once in awhile. Especially if you’re stuck on a negative frequency. It happens to the best of us energy junkies. Like listening to love songs on the radio while you’re snuggled up and cozy and someone suddenly flips the dial to heavy metal in the middle of Lionel and Diana’s, “Endless Love.”
There’s an adjustment period for a few seconds because you also enjoy some AC/DC and Metallica and you’re ok on that station for a few songs (maybeeee 4?)…. then perhaps you fancy some softer rock like, Bon Jovi or Van Halen and that’s cool too for a while and, if you’re anything like me — you may even want some Michael or Justin or Beyoncé – ’cause mama’s gotta dance sometimes ya’ll 💃🏻.
And Lord I am lovin’ Cardi B’s Invasion of Privacy right along with you 🙌🏻. We will sit by the pool with some cocktails and groove to that album for hours.
All of that is great, terrific even!
But it’s not the point. Forget the music, it’s just a metaphor for the type of energy frequencies that alter moods. The way you feel listening to different styles of music is symbolic of the way you feel in different states of mind.
A softer one = Good energy. Upbeat vibe. The version of you everyone probably loves best :).
I’m not saying hard rock music is bad. Don’t get hung up on that – pay attention to the frequency concept, ok?
Note: it is a long held belief that music and mood are inherently linked though…
Anyway, when I’m on a positive frequency and see or hear something that would otherwise annoy me… I let that shit roll off my back without so much as a mention of it. But if I’m on an irritable frequency (literally or figuratively), anything (or anyone) will get under my skin and push me to my edge. For sure!
Sharp convo turn coming up here, but it’s applicable so stay with me… I was reminded of this little saying by relationship expert, Tracy McMillan: If you spot it, you got it.
ouch.
If you spot something you don’t like in others, then guess what? You got it in you too sisters and brothers!
How’s that for some introspection!
If you spot it, you got it.
I’m gonna put some Phil Collins and Fleetwood Mac radio on now, and reset 😉. I wanna see the good.
More to come,
Tanya S.
by tanyabittner | May 14, 2018 | Today
I get asked to share what I’m wearing or mention where I got an outfit – a lot. So, I’m gonna start posting that kind of info on my Instagram (@media_tanya) when I remember (to actually post it and try to recall who the hell I’m wearing) !
But, here’s the thing — some of my stuff is just old and timeless and I’m not sure you can get the pieces any more. For example some of my best and favorite shoes aren’t available any longer so I just keep repairing them 👠. And, I’m a bargain shopper which means the items fly of the shelves.
Suppose you can shop for similar looks though? That’s how this works?
Anyway, I’m not a fashion blogger and my husband dresses me. So far I’ve been unable to convince him to get an Instagram account of his own so I’ll just be taking credit for his stylings 😂.
Not sure I’ll be able to maintain this new shift from meaningless selfies with random thoughts and opinions to more meaningless selfies about equally random outfits I’m wearing but will give it a shot 📸
More to come,
Tanya S.
by tanyabittner | May 6, 2018 | Today
So, if shenpa is an attachment, hook, habit or, let’s say the “urge” to do, behave, react… and those actions then trigger anger, resentment, self-doubt, insecurity, sadness… then all those uncomfortable emotions I’ve just rattled off are called Kleshas.
Ok, got my Buddhism dictionary handy:
Shenpa = hook
Kleshas = emotions
My favorite mentor on enlightenment and peace is Pema Chodrön. She explains there’s a cycle — and it goes something like this:
Shenpa is the clinging to ego and this gives rise to strong emotions (Kleshas) which then lead us round and round, and this round and round pattern is called Samsara… and Samsara basically equals, pain.
Pain.
And there it is. Right there, where you stand, sit or lay…
if it feels like you’re in a circular situation of shenpas and Kleshas, you are in pain.
I’m not a Buddhist… but I take little bits of knowledge here and there from all kinds of spiritual sources that I identify with in order to grow. To be better.
So I leave you with this… if you find yourself feeling tongue tied, frustrated, misunderstood, angry, hurt, and betrayed — take a look around. Who is making you feel like this? What is making you feel like this? The way you behave in those high stress moments isn’t you. It’s your pain. That’s not love. Love doesn’t hurt. The absence of love, hurts.
Foreshadowing: Sometimes you need to buy your peace.
Done with the round and round. Done with the past. Done with toxicity, and done with Samsara ✌️.
More to come,
Tanya S.
by tanyabittner | Apr 26, 2018 | Today
I used to fancy myself as someone who had “healed”. I had shed my emotional reactivity (from childhood and adulthood traumas and, DNA) for what Pema Chodrön calls, “basic wisdom as a tool of peace”. I studied for three years and thought I had it all figured out… expert.
I knew my “shenpa” (my hooks, my urge to react in a way I always have) and so instead of getting an emotional charge when uncomfortable moments came, I’d settle into them. And react differently. Zen.
Then, two and a half years ago I learned of a betrayal by someone from my past whom I still very much trusted and it was as though I’d never sat on a yoga mat or meditated in. my. life. Snap! I freaked out. And I’ve been in an emotional, score settling — feeling taken advantage of — tug-of-war, ever since.
My earnest practice the last of couple years, months, weeks… wasn’t so earnest at all, it turns out. So of course it wasn’t yielding the steady results it had for years prior. And it’s because I wasn’t really wanting to uncover that wisdom. Instead I was flip flopping between stretches of peace and anger and every time I opened my mouth while in an uncomfortable moment, fire came out.
Scorch the earth. My shenpa. Hello, old, habitual friend :).
But… The practice IS starting to work again. Hallelujah (said calmly). I don’t need the duality. The peaceful me versus the score-settling me. It’s all just, me. Imperfect me. One part of me leads to more peace, and the other leads to more conflict. We all have both sides. We all want revenge for what’s been done “to us”. And, we all have basic wisdom to choose peace instead.
These times call for deeper healing and heaps of self-accountability. Also: Meditation. Wisdom. Emotional intelligence. Self-awareness. Interconnectedness. Forgiveness. Teachings. Learnings. Again and again.
Some distance from those who exploit your shenpa, who aren’t learning, who are doing their own score-settling, and who aren’t of like (peace of) mind, ain’t so bad either ✌️
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#authenticity #meditation #yoga #peace #love #shenpa #forgiveness #healing #vulnerability #wisdom #happiness #pemachodron #training #freedom #mama #wife #grateful
by tanyabittner | Mar 30, 2018 | Today
The practice pays off, it does… I try to keep it real on social media… and the reality IS, I fucking love my life and the joys and happiness you see here are authentic and fun. Sorry, not sorry :).
But, I am a 45 year old divorced, remarried mom, and stepmom and I think it’s important to share the struggles of our human experiences, too.
Balance.
Because, no life is perfect. Ever. I’ve had a bumpy year and a half behind the scenes trying to reconcile being principled in a present situation against being understanding and taken advantage of by a part of my past I rightly or wrongly, still treasure.
It’s been the ultimate test of alignment and the breakthrough finally happened recently… but, it happened over time. And I still practice every hour!! Yes, hourly. There was no epiphany. It took long conversations, sleepless nights, heart palpitations, pouring my heart out in writing, plenty of tears, expensive meetings, pleading, rationalizing, blaming, personal accountability, fear, anger, forgiveness even when my past wasn’t asking for it, and unbelievable anguish.
I went through the pain. I didn’t table it, I didn’t push it down. I went head first, straight into it.
The situation hasn’t resolved itself yet, but I have already found peace regardless of the uncontrollable outcome. I’m back on the frequency that keeps me calm and focused on my littlest priorities only: my kids.
I’m back to me… fearless.
The practice works: Alignment. I know this because in the middle of this storm, I am the eye. Finally… You can overcome. You can evolve. You can get through. Don’t give up on you 🖤•
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#vulnerability #honesty #love #peace #mama #positivevibes #grateful #forgiveness #waterunderthebridge #alignment #frequency #light #standup #dowhatsright #dontgiveup
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