by tanyabittner | Aug 9, 2015 | Today
I am motivated by love! It’s why I react with such compassion and yes, sometimes with gargantuan amounts of ferocity when it comes to protecting my kids and their hearts.
My infinite love for them and desire for their happiness is the driving force behind everything I do and say that relates to them.
They know I have their backs (and fronts) and they count on it.
Love is also what fuels my marriage. As it should be. Anything I do with and for Brad is manifested in the purest form love. From chopping vegetables together to snuggling by the fire, and all that’s in between. It is the absolute foundation and anchor of our relationship. I love every single thing about him and I tell him what those things are every day. It makes us both feel good.
I also love communication. It’s what I earned my degree in and it’s a craft I have been dedicated to for two decades (and before I ever started college). I love to help businesses succeed, get noticed, and even get sold. I love to bring new ideas to the table, love to hear new ideas from colleagues, and love, love, love to see great visions come to pass.
For better or worse – I. LOVE. I love life!!
Choose love. You might misstep, but you can never go wrong with it.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Jul 27, 2015 | Today
Specifically, what desires are in that beautiful heart of yours today? And now, what thoughts are swirling around in your mind? Do your heart and mind align or are you having an internal conflict with yourself?
Heart says, “I want this”, stubborn mind says, “You’ll never get it”.
I challenge you to make one deliberate, intentional move in your heart’s favor today.
Watch as your mind quickly catches up to support it :).
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Jun 12, 2015 | Today
I’m not sure where you are today (or even where you are right this minute) with your emotional afflictions or contentment. But I figure we can all use a little more encouragement and feeling of togetherness in the best of times and – most certainly – in the worst of times. And there’s good news!
Heartache and euphoria are impermanent.
I’m not saying you can’t be a happy person who has sad days. Of course you can. And I think that’s most of us. I’m saying it’s unrealistic to think you should or even could live in an intense state of rapture every day – just as it would be particularly unhealthy to live in a depressed state for any length of time.
For example, when I recently saw a gift my husband bought me, I literally jumped for joy! And my cheeks hurt for a good 15 minutes or so before I settled into the feeling and was just peaceful. I didn’t walk around for days with an elated sensation… I was just untroubled and tranquil knowing he loved me so much.
I’ve lost siblings and both my parents. Some of my darkest years. Notice I said years… Those gripping feelings of loss come rushing back if I let them, they’re just under the surface. But they do soften… I do function. I don’t live curled up in a ball on the floor.
Don’t get me wrong, I wrestle with hooks just like you. Circumstances and people can really tick me off. Yep, there’s another one… anger. Also fleeting. These emotions simply don’t stick around too long. They pass.
Accepting that they will indeed pass lessens the sharpness of the moment. You can’t just walk around with your feelings, reactions, and responses ping-ponging all over the place. That’s not good for you or the people you love.
I try to take hold of my emotions and thoughts right when I wake up. My husband hears me mumble each morning, “I’m not finished praying… five more minutes…” as he’s trying to rouse me from sleep.
My very best days happen when I pray or meditate before I ever get vertical. It centers me; prepares me for the uncertainty of the day.
Prepare yourself for the uncertainties of the day ahead.
I’ve also found inspiration and peace from conceptual, honest talks with my husband. And I’m fascinated by buddhist teachings and readings from aspirational leaders. I also find relief in yoga, long runs on the beach, visits with friends/family and therapists… because who doesn’t love therapy!?
I do “whatever it takes” to awaken my heart and align (many times re-align) my day around its desires. Come. What. May. I enjoy living my best life. It’s far from perfect but it pleases me. There’s a calm in the center of the chaos that circles my life. Coming back to neutral is easier than you think… You can do it!
The extreme highs don’t define you – don’t expect to stay there – it’s not reality and you’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. The lows don’t define you either – you’re better than that. Absolutely stay in those moments of learning or healing as long as you need to but don’t live there… pick yourself up :).
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | May 29, 2015 | Today
It’s easy to be spun up into the hornet nest of life sometimes isn’t it? The weeks leading into Summer are especially hectic with plays, recitals, finals, farewell parties, promotions and more. Adding in careers, tying off or in some cases, tying up loose ends of divorce, managing health, planning vacations and camps and the usual day-to-day domestic odds and ends that pile up and yep, you’ve got yourself a hornet nest!
Believe it or not you can be calm in the middle of that pandemonium.
It’s like homeostasis… the ability to maintain an internal balance while your external environment is changing (thank you Mr. Fowler – 10th Grade Biology). Truth is, it’s just life. People, unforeseen circumstances, and competing priorities are always going to be analogous to an intermittent buzzing.
Keep a keen ear on what your heart is telling you; what it desires. Remember your North Star.
Make choices that align with your honest heart.
Thank goodness it’s Friday ~ more to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | May 28, 2015 | Thoughts & Desires, Today
It’s my belief that kids of divorce should live an equal amount of time with both parents. I feel it’s important to keep everyone as connected as possible. It’s been my experience the courts generally agree with this too, unless there are physical dangers for the children, signs of abuse or neglect, or the distance between the homes is too great. For the latter, that’s what Summers are for – it’s when you can really start to equalize things for the kids.
You don’t need a psychology degree to comprehend the importance of a healthy attachment between kids and both of their parents (especially during divorce), but you do need a heart, some compassion, and integrity to get it.
You’ve seen it before where one parent lacks those qualities and triangulates the kids into the spousal conflict because of an inability to integrate the reality of the divorce into his/her personality type. Dr. Craig Childress, a clinical psychologist in Pasadena, CA says that personality type has a fear of abandonment and inadequacy. Childress says that type of parent puts a great deal of energy into keeping kids away from his/her ex-spouse to “show them” just who’s been abandoned, and who the inadequate parent is. The kids in this scenario lose… BIG TIME.
Why not make it easier on the kids?
Parents who control the amount of time children of divorce spend with their other parent are fostering a new hallmark of the parent-child relationship: Anxiety.
And it’s not just my opinion – studies show kids of divorced parents are far less stressed if they live part-time with each parent.
This contradicts some (vengeful) parents’ thinking that kids who move back and forth between homes have a social disruption and higher stress. Researchers at the Centre for Health Equity Studies in Stolkholm, Sweden wanted to know for sure.
The hypothesis: Kids who lived part time with both parents (of divorce) are less stressed than those who lived with just one parent.
The researchers looked at national data from almost 150,000 12 and 15 year-old students and studied their psychosomatic health issues including sleep problems, difficulty concentrating, loss of appetite, headaches, stomachaches and feeling tense, sad or dizzy.
They found 69% of them lived in nuclear families, 19% spent time living with both parents and about 13% lived with only one parent.
Not surprisingly, kids in nuclear families reported the fewest psychosomatic problems, but the more interesting finding was that students who lived with both of their separated parents reported significantly fewer problems than kids who lived with only one parent.
Translation: kids of divorced parents are happier and healthier with both parents playing an equal active role in their daily lives.
An argument made for anything less is a disturbingly transparent logical fallacy.
Hot topic – more to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | May 10, 2015 | Today
Mothers’ Day has been bittersweet for almost nine years now. My mom suffered a massive stroke December 18, 2005. She died one day later; six days before Christmas. I often describe events and milestones from my past as taking place “before mom” or “after mom.”
I’ll never forget where I was. Target. First thing in the morning. Pregnant and pushing a shopping cart around with a then four year old Jordyn (Jay) who was laughing and counting the days until Santa comes. It’s not unusual for pregnant mamas to suddenly need to use the ladies’ room – so I left Jay and the cart with her daddy while I raced to the loo.
While in the stall, I reached for my cell phone to see if mom had called. Sure enough I missed it. I dialed her back right there from the stall, but my sister Michele answered and said, “Tani, something’s wrong with mom. She’s talking funny. Her words are coming about backward. I think she needs to go to the hospital, which one should I take her to?” We were living in Vegas at the time, and there are more than 20 hospitals to choose from. I replied, “The closest one. Now hand the phone to her, can she talk to me?”
These were the last words my mother said to me, “anTi, ugh, ugh, darces come”. She was trying to say, “Tani, I’m scared, come”.
I replied, “Jay and I are on our way mama, I love you more than life, the ambulance is coming, I’ll see you at the hospital, I love you’.
I fumbled getting out of the stall and bolted out of the restroom in search of Jordyn and my ex. I told them something was happening with nana and we needed to go home right away. My ex said, “Home?” “Yes. I need to get my mom’s rosary. I’m not showing up at the hospital without it – hurry”.
We somehow managed to get home and make it to the hospital before the ambulance. This has always pissed me off. What the hell took them so long? My mother would visit two hospitals in as many days but I can’t bring myself to mention either one of them.
When they wheeled her in, she was sitting up, looking frustrated and frightened. My mother was the smartest woman I’ve ever met. Quick witted, extremely articulate, fierce (understatement) and she could do the Sunday crossword in about 10 minutes. She was a walking dictionary. I think my mama knew what was happening to her and it both irritated and terrified her at the same time.
I held her hand and gently placed her rosary in it. She looked down, saw it, and her eyes smiled at me. My mother held that rosary in her hand, through procedures, tests, a transport to a different neurological wing of a new hospital, and multiple gown changes by nurses. We pried it out of her beautiful hand (always perfectly manicured) after she passed.
My mother and I were extremely close. We saw each other almost daily, she even had sleepovers with me and Jay every other weekend. We talked on the phone at least 20 times a day and always said good night – every night – regardless of where either of us was in the world.
I remember coming into the house, passing by the Christmas tree all lit up with presents underneath she had already wrapped for everyone, walking up the stairs to the room she used to stay in and tucking her rosary neatly back under her pillow. That’s when I realized she was never coming back.
During my grieving, I remember dropping to my knees, grabbing my pregnant belly, and howling the most primal sounds. So loud. The pain was suffocating. How could I have this little life growing inside of me and lose the very person who gave me life at the same time?
Something felt eternally broken.
I came into the kitchen this morning to find home baked cookies, a new writing chair, an oversized print of my favorite city (NYC), and a tile with the tiny fingerprints of that same baby who was growing inside of me nine years ago. I wept right there. Quietly this time, and with a smile on my face…
What a remarkable journey it’s been. My mother’s legacy didn’t die with her that day – it’s not broken at all.
Her passion for living a happy life is indeed alive and well. Love can be found in every corner of this home. Everything is as it should be.
I get to be mom to these beautiful girls.
Happy Mothers’ Day.
More to come,
Tanya B.
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