by tanyabittner | Dec 23, 2015 | Today
Divorce sucks. There I said it (again). Even if it’s what you wanted, even if it’s the best decision you’ve ever made, and e v e n if you belted out a joyous, fist pumping, “Hell ya!” when it was finally over… the whole process leading into that moment of freedom, SUCKS.
I know it. I get it. And, it does get better. But you don’t want to hear that right now with all the insta’s and Facebook posts of spouses laughing, fa-la-la-ing, and snuggling… so I get that too.
Whether you wanted to be divorced or not, if you’ve found yourself uncoupled and alone for the holidays I have three tips to help you get through the next week and a half:
- Drink. Responsibly of course… but seriously, holiday cheer is the best remedy for lonely afternoons. I mean evenings. Yes you might cry, but you might laugh-out-loud a whole lot too!
- Workout. Nothing says, “I’m over you” like a killer bod. Get your booty to the gym and sweat. We’re talking 11 days here… 11 days until you’re back at work and on the other side of the festive season. Anyone can exercise for 11 days and who knows? Maybe the new routine sticks!
- Bake. Bake something challenging or intricate like layer cakes or cutout cookies. Baking kills so much time and you really can’t think about ANYTHING or anyone else the entire time. It’s the best way to check-out emotionally for a few hours. Do it every day (but give that shit away, don’t eat it) and I’m telling you it will be January, 4th before you know it.
Try to enjoy yourself the next few days. New Year, New You right around the corner :).
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Dec 21, 2015 | Today
Wishing you so much happiness this (and every) holiday season. Though I do empathize with loss and despair at this time of year so it’s understood if this month in particular is a little less than jolly for you.
It’s just, often we hold onto something so tightly it’s like we own it. Bad feelings, sad feelings, angry ones too – and – all those other ones in between. Truth is, those negative emotions are holding you; they own you.
Let go of the determination to stay in your negative mood.
Laugh, be silly (I do and say crazy sh*^ all the time!), love, serve, make someone else happy, get moving… Appreciate the sparkles of happiness around you. Choose happy – get unstuck from those negative hooks.
For me, happiness is found in sleepy snuggles with my little girl, tight hugs from my big girl, “I love you’s” from our boys, and nightlong embraces with my husband. It’s also the time of year where you get impromptu visits from old friends, holiday cheer with new ones, and you experience the hustle and bustle of getting it all done. Something always goes sideways during this time to make you laugh :).
Isn’t it interesting how fast a sight, sound or thought can you push you into a negative frame of mind? If only you allow those same senses to quickly push you into a positive one…
It’s life! You have one! You’re breathing!
Discard the distressing baggage cluttering your mind and be present.
For example, today addressing holiday cards put a smile on my face and a glow in my heart. With every name I write I’m reminded of so many happy moments with that family. Yesterday I thought it would be a chore to write these, in fact I’ve been procrastinating for weeks. Now, everything else can wait – I’m loving it!
Happy Holidays!
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Dec 3, 2015 | Today
There are people out there who think they know you, will judge you, will even take some perverse pleasure in trying to shame or mock you. There’s nothing you can do about it. What others think of you is none of your business.
People who hurt, hurt. It’s the way it is.
Open you’re heart to the kindness and praise you receive from those who appreciate and love you and forget the rest.
You are awesome – believe it!
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Dec 2, 2015 | Today
Absolutely LOVE this title. Thank you Pema Chodron – one of my favorite writers!
Sometimes we tug for or against someone or something so intently we hurt ourselves. Chodron writes about hearing a story of throwing hot coals at enemies. Certainly you’ll hit and burn the enemy on some of those throws, but with 100% certainty you’ll burn yourself on every throw. Wisdom.
I’m not suggesting you shouldn’t stand for a good cause or repel from a bad situation. Part of being healthy and happy in mind and body means taking care of you and the people you care about. Champion away! Conversely, do whatever you need to stay safe mentally and physically even if that means going against the status quo.
What I am suggesting is that we lessen the daily tug of for or against the little things. You know, it’s like your mom used to say, “Don’t sweat the small stuff”.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Nov 30, 2015 | Today
Around this time, millions of people start to make lists of all the things they want to accomplish in the next year. I’m not much of New Year’s Resolution maker but suppose you already know what you want to do with your life… what you want to be?
Wait. Did I say, your life? I did.
Look beyond 2016… what do you want to do with your life?
What do you want to be?
Now go be it. Just. Go. Be. It.
Align your life to make it happen. Start with the end in mind – not the other way around. Don’t think of all the things you need to do to get there… imagine yourself there then align your life to make it a reality.
It’s that simple. It’s also that complicated.
For inspiration, consider some of these folks who became what they wanted to be:
- Steve Jobs
- Richard Branson
- J.K. Rowling
- Paulo Coelho
- Debbie Allan
- Nigel Lythgoe
So instead of thinking about what you’d like to accomplish in 2016, make 2016 the year you align your life to become what you want to be way beyond next year, or the year after that, or the year after that.
Go big or go home.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Nov 22, 2015 | Today
As a parent there’s a painful throbbing that comes from watching your kids suffer even the slightest (perceived) failures and missteps let alone the major heartbreaks and screw ups. And, misstep and screw up they will.
It’s even harder in those moments to stand on the sidelines and let other mentors, teachers and coaches step into prominent roles in their lives.
But I believe it is so important for them to have other voices inside their heads in addition to ours; other hands guiding and pushing them to be their very best.
It can’t and shouldn’t always be us. For me it was older siblings, dance teachers, school teachers, principals, and later, bosses. I was so fortunate to have had them in my corner even if I didn’t always believe they were. Like when they were yelling at me or challenging me!
I can still hear most of their voices today: Alby, Peter, Bonnie, Mrs. Klaric, Mr. Sweeney, Mr. Fowler, Mrs. Huizinga, Contessa, Carla…
We have to give our kids permission to safely open their minds and hearts to other nurturing people in their sphere of influence who can help them along in their life’s journey.
They deserve the best, honest advice they can receive and we deserve the break.
Let go a little…
More to come,
Tanya B.
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