by tanyabittner | Mar 21, 2014 | Thoughts & Desires
This journey we’re on together toward alignment, is fraught with confusion, rooted in uncertainty, anxiety, and courage. We become acutely focused on identifying what and who brings us relief or suffering along the way.
I’ve been on this odyssey of sorts for nearly three years now. I am learning from some of our greatest spiritual leaders, that wisdom is born of pain. Acknowledging that offers me some reassurance that suffering is required in order to gain intelligence and to learn. Yet, both emotions are impermanent because even identifying what makes me suffer or brings me relief, provides no sturdier ground under my feet.
Ugh! How frustrating!
We get so excited when something good happens. Or when things are going right we lose sight of the fact that moments, days, or months later something bad could – and often does happen – to throw us off course.
Uncertainty rules the day. See “rooted in” in the first sentence of this post. Be mindful of that. But don’t lose your zest for discovering your inner peace. Difficult times are transforming times.
You don’t have to be contemplative every moment of the day. By all means, try to have a little fun.
I plan to have a ton of fun this weekend 🙂
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Mar 20, 2014 | Thoughts & Desires
We all get bogged down with daily stresses and responsibilities. It’s so easy to fall back into our old (bad) habits.
I am super-guilty of regressing when it comes to things being outside of my control. I want people to do good. When (I think) they aren’t, it makes me irritable.
But I care more about bringing happiness to my family than anything else in the world. I know that showing them joy comes easiest when I’m listening to my heart’s desires and practicing aligning my life. Not anyone else’s.
I’m not putting their happiness above mine – what kid wants their parents to suffer for them? No kid wants that. I’m letting them see my happiness, my joy, my love, so they can want the same or more for themselves.
So, when I start to get irritable, or even when I’ve boiled over, that’s when I practice self-honesty. As the luminary, Pema Chodron teaches, self-honesty is when you remember to “be friends with you”. Admit to yourself you’ve lost sight of your intentions (aka: desires). You know, those things you need energy to flow toward in order to realize the life you’ve always wanted?
Ah ha!
It’s never too late to be good to you. Reaffirm your intentions. Pass it on.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Mar 13, 2014 | Thoughts & Desires
You hear it all the time… your truth… what the hell does it mean?
Well it probably depends on how you learned “truth” as a kid.
Growing up, did you want to be a writer, but were told you should become a banker instead because it paid more? How about if you always wanted to play a certain sport as a kid but were told it was too dangerous or that it was only for boys?
You weren’t living your truth then. In fact you were taught not to live it later too.
I believe you will never fulfill your destiny if you continue to deny yourself the things your heart wants. Be very careful… if you never learned truth as a kid, then you might not know it when you hear it as an adult. Worse yet, you’ll fool yourself into thinking some big life change is your truth when really it was just your whim.
Get quiet. Get real. Speak your truth. Then live in it.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Mar 6, 2014 | Thoughts & Desires
You’ve heard this little idiom once or twice. I heard it just the other day. And it’s ironic, because the man who delivered it (with haughty arrogance) made an assumption of his own, and consequently, made a total ass out of himself.
“It’s like good advice… that you just didn’t take…” Thank you Alanis Morissette.
Ok, so let’s talk about assumptions for a minute. They’re these thoughts we have about how something is supposed to be, without any evidence. It’s what we believe should happen or is happening, will actually happen or is actually happening.
We’ve all been there. I assume. Ha ha.
Seriously though. This is a great lesson in control and uncertainty. We make assumptions (judgments) based on our perceptions or our beliefs about certain things. And, we’re often so disappointed when we’re wrong.
Let me ask you, does it pay to be so dogmatic? Can you imagine if we all shared your perceived view of everything? How special would you be then? We’d share your identity, your reality, your pain, your joy, your anger, your brilliance, even your stupidity. No thanks!
What if you could be open to other beliefs and other opinions instead of living in denial that only yours were “right”? Perhaps clinging to your set ways is just your way of desperately trying to put solid ground – instead of quicksand – under your feet.
All I’m saying is perception isn’t always reality. It’s why we get so pissed off when what we thought should happen, doesn’t. Try giving up some control, letting go, and accepting how very uncertain this life is. Making assumptions about other people or circumstances is exhausting and it’s also known as (aka) being judgmental.
Remember, if you are focusing your attention on anything but your heart’s desires, your energy is being channeled to all the wrong places. Spend less time assuming things about you and others, and more time displaying empathy and compassion. Walk in your truth knowing that the world is constantly changing, and that you actually have very little control.
As Brad (fiancé) would say, “it’s going to be what it’s going to be baby”. And he’s right. Relax into that.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Feb 17, 2014 | Thoughts & Desires
I’m talking specifically about personal boundaries. The ones so often violated by acquaintances, friends, ex-friends, exes, even bosses and colleagues.
This is an interesting and uncomfortable topic, right? I mean, for you to really align your life you need to have clearly defined boundaries – and sometimes you have to say no to get ahead personally as well as professionally.
And you need to be ok with saying it (no).
You have to keep your desires at the forefront. Remember, energy flows where attention goes. You want to be giving attention to the people and activities that matter most to you. Having energy flow to any thing or any one else is a waste of your time. And theirs.
But, this is a two-way street. You have to make sure you’re respectful of others’ boundaries too.
Here’s the Wikipedia explanation of boundaries:
“Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits. They are built out of a mix of beliefs, opinions, attitudes, past experiences and social learning.”
I think Wikipedia nails it. Paraphrasing the standouts:
“… permissible ways for other people to behave around you…” and “your boundaries are built out of a mix of beliefs, opinions, attitudes, and past experiences…”.
Said more simply, it’s where you end and someone else begins.
There’s just a universally accepted imaginary line between you and others. It’s when someone behaves as though there are no boundaries between themselves and you that there’s a problem.
Saying no to them doesn’t have to come from a place of withdrawal or anger. They may perceive it that way and that’s their problem. It should come from a healthy place, fromhealthy boundaries you’ve set for your happiness and your alignment.
You might not know precisely where you sit on the boundary spectrum until you begin to make significant life changes and establish (or re-establish) your imaginary lines. And that’s ok. Trust me, when one of your boundaries has been violated, you’ll know it.
Similarly, if you’re astute, you’ll know when you’ve violated someone else’s.
For example, if you’re at a soccer field and you try to engage with someone who is closed off, gives you clipped answers, has no eye contact with you, and has even said ‘no’ to a request for a hug, you are most definitely violating a personal boundary!
Get aligned.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Feb 4, 2014 | Thoughts & Desires
When you’re ready to stop seeing yourself as “the one who was wronged” or “the victim” then this post – no, this entire blog – is for you.
But, if you’re still (perhaps unknowingly) playing the role of martyr in your own life, then most of what’s crafted here will make you really uncomfortable. I hope you’ll read it anyway.
Ok, so, speaking of reading, I’m in the throes of this amazing book! When I’ve finished it, I’ll offer up a full review. Meantime, the content is challenging me in the most spiritual and visceral of ways. It’s the concept of alignment on steroids! It’s super-charging my passion for encouraging people to make meaningful life changes and realize their true desires.
If you already have everything your heart wants – YAY YOU!!! But for those of us who don’t (yet), we need to keep evolving and refining. Shaking things up. And, isn’t it the very concept of change that keeps us so, stuck?
Think about it.
Our fear of change immobilizes us in much the same way as the suffering we feel from maintaining the status quo does.
Go ahead, re-read that last sentence. It’s powerful.
I can’t tell you what changes you need to make in your life to be the happiest person you know. But, I can tell you that as someone who is on the journey real-time, I’m learning there is an uplifting sense of freedom in knowing you’re simply moving. You’re not yet victorious, but you’re not doomed either.
I’m learning that as groundless and uncertain as change seems, you absolutely must interrupt old ways of thinking, working, exercising, loving, even existing, in order to make way for your heart’s desires.
You also have to be accountable. Look back on all of the choices you made and ahead to the changes you’ll make. Own them.
You didn’t think it would be easy… did you?
More to come,
Tanya B.
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