Boundaries

I’m talking specifically about personal boundaries.  The ones so often violated by acquaintances, friends, ex-friends, exes, even bosses and colleagues.

This is an interesting and uncomfortable topic, right?  I mean, for you to really align your life you need to have clearly defined boundaries – and sometimes you have to say no to get ahead personally as well as professionally.

And you need to be ok with saying it (no).

You have to keep your desires at the forefront.  Remember, energy flows where attention goes. You want to be giving attention to the people and activities that matter most to you. Having energy flow to any thing or any one else is a waste of your time.  And theirs.

But, this is a two-way street.  You have to make sure you’re respectful of others’ boundaries too.

Here’s the Wikipedia explanation of boundaries:

“Personal boundaries are guidelines, rules or limits that a person creates to identify for themselves what are reasonable, safe and permissible ways for other people to behave around him or her and how they will respond when someone steps outside those limits. They are built out of a mix of beliefs, opinions, attitudes, past experiences and social learning.”

I think Wikipedia nails it.  Paraphrasing the standouts:

“… permissible ways for other people to behave around you…” and “your boundaries are built out of a mix of beliefs, opinions, attitudes, and past experiences…”.

Said more simply, it’s where you end and someone else begins.

There’s just a universally accepted imaginary line between you and others. It’s when someone behaves as though there are no boundaries between themselves and you that there’s a problem.

Saying no to them doesn’t have to come from a place of withdrawal or anger. They may perceive it that way and that’s their problem. It should come from a healthy place, fromhealthy boundaries you’ve set for your happiness and your alignment.

You might not know precisely where you sit on the boundary spectrum until you begin to make significant life changes and establish (or re-establish) your imaginary lines.  And that’s ok. Trust me, when one of your boundaries has been violated, you’ll know it.

Similarly, if you’re astute, you’ll know when you’ve violated someone else’s.

For example, if you’re at a soccer field and you try to engage with someone who is closed off, gives you clipped answers, has no eye contact with you, and has even said ‘no’ to a request for a hug, you are most definitely violating a personal boundary!

Get aligned.

More to come,

Tanya B.