Drop it like it’s hot – real life…

by | May 29, 2017 | Thoughts & Desires

Ok, let’s just take a moment to appreciate the fact that we have indeed overcome… we haven’t NOT made it through anything yet, right? Those scary times, the frustrating ones, devastating heartbreak, injustice, loss, financial stress, health issues, disappointment, embarrassment, betrayal… whatever it was you once thought you’d never make it through… you did. You’re alive – reading this – which means you made it. Or you’re working through it.

Sure, you may be different now. Scarred, broken, tougher, weaker, jaded, more humble, less healthy, healthier, more financially secure, less financially secure, in therapy, whatever…  Maybe you’re just pissed off… but You. Are. Here.

I’m with you!

Fuck am I with you.

I haven’t written in a few months and so much has happened but I don’t have the energy to recap it.  Not yet. I will one day because it’s important shit but the time isn’t now.  What is worth talking about is the God’s (and I’ve never been closer to Him) honest truth that what we put energy into had better be what we want more of because it’s coming! What you think about most, materializes.

#lessons

This post isn’t a tell-all (though that may come) but, can we get real for a sec? Because – I never want anyone to think my life (as depicted on social media) is the only dimension. My life IS pretty fucking good from where I sit. But it’s not perfect. Ya’ll know that perfect shit doesn’t exist. I won’t post my worst wife, friend, family, ex-wife, or parenting moments – but they happen! My relationships are flawed, my body is almost 45, but… I’ve entered the age of wisdom (grins).  Which really means menopause (more detail coming on this soon). Oh yes… menopause has hit early, and there’s so much crazy!

Meantime.

MY BODY:

I have lots of cellulite, stretch marks, wrinkles, three tattoos, currently rocking and loving some long-ass hair extensions, I have a goofy gap in my upper lip (super bad fall 20 years ago; split it open so bad half my lip covered my nostrils), I have NEVER had plastic surgery (but I may one day). The only injections I’ve ever had were in 1997: hormones in my ass (3 times) to treat endometriosis. I feel and look better when I workout every day but actually only do it two or three times a week. I fucking love my job (even though no one knows what I do) and I was born in 1972.

RELATIONSHIPS:

I married Rob in 1995. We separated in 2012 and finalized our divorce, finally,  in 2014. It was painful. Excruciating, almost unrecoverable kind of painful. But it was right. We made two beautiful, fucking strong, smart, talented, fierce – my mom would be so proud – girls. We have a great friendship. But like any *real* friendship, we fight and then resolve things. Sometimes quickly, sometimes it takes months. Sometimes we even believe we’ll never speak again and threaten to hire attorneys (which we’ve never done, not yet anyway). Then we do speak again. I call it being family.

Rob has a fiancé, Kristi, and she has two daughters. They are all wonderful, kind, generous, good, and understanding.

I married Brad in 2014, and I have never been more adored, loved, respected, and appreciated in all my life. Never. I have also never loved as madly, passionately, and – right through my bones – been completely in love.  But for having my children, which is a different (altogether… intentionally placed) love – THIS, this is sheer willed, dreamed-into-life, magical, earth shattering, fucking raw, unapologetic, reciprocal, sexy, tender, fun, L O V E.

Brad has two boys. They are the little (bigger than me) loves of our life. Handsome, smart, and have more to say than they are capable of sharing now. Their time is coming but I suspect it will have less to do with us and more to do with their future choices.

Do we ALL get all along? Yes. We do. Hate us for it, like us for it, but we just do.

Disclaimer: Brad has an ex-wife. We don’t get along. “Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge” – Don Henley.  Brad also has an 18 year old daughter.

Our life is rich. It’s full, filled. It’s so 2017 in the month of May! Thank God for growth and enlightenment and forgiveness, and for this spectacular chance at peace. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the REAL happen here.  Don’t think for one second it’s easy; it ain’t (yes, I know “ain’t” is a controversial word in grammar but it’s relatable, so… ain’t, ain’t, ain’t)!

So much more to come,

Tanya B.

Inner Strength

by | Mar 14, 2017 | Today

Sometimes going through scary stuff can put you in denial… like, “Wait, I know what you just said, but, you can’t be talking about me”… hands in ears, singing, la la la la la… kind of denial.

I get it. Man do I get it.

And so, how do you zoom back-to-life – back to re-al-ity (did y’all just sing right there? a little soul-II-soul for you ’80’s fans)… seriously though, how do you force yourself to be present, hear what’s being said, and make informed decisions so things become, less scary?

It’s kind a what we’ve been training for right?  Not to hear bad news and be cool with it – not quite – I mean, conditioning ourselves to be less reactionary, less afraid, more comfortable with the hearing of bad news… uncertainty of life, more awareness.

FYI – yep, another one.  this was in drafts (I write A LOT) since March 14th… and again, I know exactly what we were preparing for then – what we were practicing… and now that we’re on the other side of it – our practice paid off.  Loving the practice!  Today is May 31st… but the post will live where it was meant to… where it was felt.

I promise, more to come,

Tanya B.

 

Hornets’ Nest Of Crazy

by | Feb 17, 2017 | Today

Wowsie has 2017 been… active.   It feeeeeeels like May or June, but nope, February 17th.

We’ve been operating daily at a higher than average stress level as a baseline – so when something unexpected spikes, anxiety flies off the charts.  Between President drama, fake news accusations, ex-husband and ex-wife conciliations, attorneys on the payroll, family death and illness, women’s rights, fears, immigration nightmares, full-time (amazing) work and intensified kids’ schedules with magnificent fees – it’s remarkable we (I mean I) haven’t completely F R E A K E D out in the last, wait for it… five weeks.

If it weren’t for my caring, brilliant, “he gets me”,  husband, our faith, an unconditional loving family, solid network of new and lifelong friends, trusted colleagues, I likely would have!

I’m a straight shooter – always have been.  And i’m 100 % unapologetic for it.  I only have relationships with friends and family of like mind.  High integrity, fair individuals with love, not ego, as their foundation.  And, not one of them is a “yes man”.  We all need people around us who adore us, sure… but they have to be willing to speak truth to us too – because make damn certain, if you have a posse of ass kissers around you who never challenge your motivations, decisions, and reactions (with love), you’re not evolving – and we all need to do more of that.

FYI: I had this post sitting drafts, today is actually May 31st – but I’m going back and posting this where it belongs in its moment in time… things are VERY different now than they were February 17th… very.  Oh the feels looking back :).

More to come,

Tanya B.

 

 

 

Impress Me

by | Feb 14, 2017 | Today

As I start to type, I’m not entirely sure how this post will end up.  So many thoughts swirling in my head.  I learned early this morning that my sister-in-law, Lynne (Earlyn), has lost her battle with cancer.  We knew it was coming.  This post isn’t about her though, because privacy – but I’m heartbroken for my nieces – Lynne’s daughters, and for their daughters and sons.  It brings back memories of losing my mom, dad and my other siblings who’ve passed. Especially my brother Russ, Lynne’s husband.  I’ll bet they’re having a romantic Valentine’s Day in heaven, together after 20 years apart.

Nothing delivers a blow to your day, week, month, year, life, quite like learning of a loved one’s passing.  Whether you were close to them, close to their loved ones, or distant at the time of their death – if you’re human, if you “feel”, it hurts.

Death has a way of bringing things into sharp focus. Sure, you run the gamut of emotions for a long while, but through the burn of salty tears, the physical pain in your ribs from weeping, and all that despair and emptiness, one thing is crystal clear… LIFE.

The things we quarrel about, the scores we try this way and that way to settle, the stories we make SO large – in an instant, none of it matters.

I’ve been the champion, the tough girl, the one with a voice, the one who offended and the one who was offended over pettiness.  I’ve spoke truth to power and sometimes prevailed, but most times I suffered in the end.  None of that impresses me anymore. I no longer have the desire to be “right”.

Over the years, I’ve learned there are three sides to every story (yours, theirs, and the truth). The sides aren’t always miles apart from each other, sometimes the story lines are nuanced and quite close.  But everyone has their own perspective clouding the truth in any given situation.

I’ve also learned people are mostly good.  They misstep, they disappoint, they fail, they hurt and they’re hurting, but mostly they feel bad about all of it afterward.

Nah, what impresses me now, in my ’40’s – is kindness and love. How much of it can we show each other? And don’t even get me started on forgiveness.  Whether it’s asked for or not, it’s FREEING to let go of needing to hear someone tell you they’re sorry before you will forgive them. Just do it.

You suffer when you’re angry.  My goodness!  Who has the time or energy, to be angry?

Yes, be principled. Fight peacefully for what you believe in.  And listen.  We don’t do enough of that. We can all get better at that.

I wonder, do you think it’s really worth it now or even in the very, very end to have been so self righteous? To scorch the earth? I guess if winning and ego are important to you, the answer would be a super awkward, yes. But I’ve witnessed enough death and tragedy to know it’s not worth it.

Love, people!  Just love and be kind and be good and forgive yourself and others.  Just surrender.

Valentine’s Day isn’t only about romantic love – it’s a great reminder to love. Love LIFE.

RIP Lynne + Russ

More to come,

Tanya B.

Liberation

by | Dec 27, 2016 | Today

With the highs and lows of 2016 a l m o s t behind us, wait. Seriously?  Geeze… even as I type this I’m reading Carrie Fisher has died.  What else will you throw at us 2016?

Shake it off.  I tell myself + you.

Sorry for the sharp conversational turn right off the top like that, but man, these 2016 losses of life, election, pride, honor, self, humility, kindness, and loss of I N T E G R I T Y – have hit hard. Real hard.  Especially this last quarter.

This was supposed to be a post about priorities as you plan for 2017.  Less about goal setting and resolutions – more about what you learned (good and good… because lessons are always good, especially the tough ones) and how you’ll make a conscious effort to evolve (mentally, physically, and spiritually), accept, wish-well for others, and follow your heart’s desires. This year is the year to GO AFTER EVERYTHING YOU WANT.

Be obsessed.  More than ever before.

Sure, these are still great priorities and please be relentless in your effort to bring them to pass.  But the undertone, the baseline of 2017, maybe it’s about, liberation.

What?

Yes.

Liberation. Freedom.

Punchy words with a hell of a meaning, right?

This year, what if we challenge ourselves to be deliberate in our thoughts and actions with liberation in mind?

Freedom to openly love who you want, freedom to be loved, financial freedom, freedom to cross borders peacefully, freedom to choose, freedom from judgement, freedom to be happy, freedom to live as healthy as you want in mind, body, and spirit.  Finally freed from a past love…

Freedom to heal and forgive, at your pace.

Imagine the kind of inner circle (friends, family, coworkers), government and world we’d live in if we all genuinely wanted our fellow humans to live freely, and peacefully without being envious or jealous of their successes and happiness?  For us ALL to be liberated!

Ask yourself, “Will this choice lead to the liberation I’m looking for? And, do I wish this same freedom/liberation for others?”

I’ll just pause there for these loaded questions to sink in – and you’re gonna need practice… asking and answering.

In closing, and if nothing else, let’s say goodbye to 2016 with appreciation we lived through it.

Let’s lead with liberation in 2017.

More to come,

Tanya B.