by tanyabittner | Oct 17, 2017 | Today
Update 1.1.18: Letting it all go :).
I don’t know where to begin. Every time something happens that makes me want to scream, I feel compelled to write about it. Of course I actually scream too, but then only a few people hear me. This way, here, more of you get the message because, there is no fucking way I am alone in any of this.
My thoughts aren’t organized enough yet, so here are some bullets on the topics swirling in my brain – decided I needed an editorial calendar of sorts to expand upon later, here goes (in no particular order):
- There are REAL victims out there (me too)
- “Stop playing the victim” (completely unrelated to bullet one)
- Generalization vs. Personalization (men)
- SLEEP (everyone needs more of it)
- Take care of your CHILDREN FIRST (child support – see bullets 2 and 3, in fact let’s make it a 3 part series)
- Raising girls (ALL THE BULLETS)
- Raising boys (ALL THE BULLETS)
- Be a good person, and if you can’t be, get help to be (this one is for the assholes)
- INTROSPECTION – you become your thoughts (why hasn’t everyone figured this out yet?)
- SUBTERFUGE (just, why?)
- Legacy (what will yours be???)
There. These are themes getting heavy play time in my head and yes, they’re the angst behind my Instagram posts lately. I’m fucking tired of being tired. And. The news pisses me off, too. Not it’s delivery, cadence, or channel (method of delivery), but the FACT that there’s no fucking shortage of it.
Our President has become the joke that’s more than a joke. SNL skits on him aren’t even funny any more because it’s too close to reality!
We hold onto what’s left of the multi-cultural, multi-gender, multi-sexual orientation, multi-religion, multi-race, multi-disability fabric of America from what feels like less of a figurative blanket and more like an actual, skinny, unraveling thread, hanging out of some imaginary opening in the sky, our collective feet dangling in mid air…
We need an awakening. Gun violence, Mother Nature, wild fires, nothing seems important enough? Have these things become normalized too?
More to come,
Tanya S.
by tanyabittner | Sep 25, 2017 | Today
Brad and I have been hiking and/or walking together almost every day the last two months – like, I’m talking l o n g walks… four-to-six miles *each time* we head out together. Once we wondered seven miles. Into a different city. In 100 degree heat. So we stopped for cocktails and Ubered home :-).
Naturally.
These long walks mean TIME. Time together. Each outing lasts an hour-and-a-half to two-hours a day and we are talking to each other with no distractions the entire time! No kids, no work, no driving, and more importantly – no screen time.
I’m not going to get into our sex life here but let’s just say, communication is *major* foreplay ;). #marriage
Anyway, we talk about E V E R Y T H I N G. And anything. Dreams, goals, desires, frustrations, money, retirement, debt, current events, history, our favorite podcasts, work, family, kids, friends, adversaries (oh yes we have a few), and all that’s in between.
Daily.
We used to cover these subjects late at night, or on weekends, but now our evenings and Sunday fundays are just that – fun! Or lazy, or productive or whatever. Unless we’re stressed out about natural disasters or taxes. Then, not so much fun 😏.
We’ve become addicted to this time together. Catching up. Staying connected. Rain, heat, darkness, or wind – we still set off on these journeys. Together. I push him. He pushes me. And it’s just fucking awesome.
Yes – we’ve become the old couple who walks together ♥️.
I know some of you want more controversy, more “real life” and relatable stories from me and I promise, a) we’ve had our share of drama over the years and b) as those kinds of storylines (that’s all they are – stories) arise, I’ll share them with you. In bits and pieces or a full-on deluge. But the truth is, our life is pretty content. Work, school drop offs, work, school pick ups, dance drop offs, dance pick ups – repeat. The odd athletic practice and game, some social stuff with friends and family, but mostly we’re living life much like you see in my posts: sitting by our pool, walking/running/hiking, lounging on our couch, in bed, cooking dinners, enjoying happy hours and having coffee, wine, or beer. We’re home bodies, mostly.
No manufactured pics snapped from inside upscale hotels we can’t afford, or fancy cars that aren’t ours, or from inside cultural/artistic forums meant for exploration, not photo ops. What you see is kinda what you get. Minus some cellulite and belly fat – but we’re not ashamed of that, we just don’t want to show it 🙌🏻.
Besides, do you really want to see my belly fat and cellulite? If you do, I think it says more about you than it does about me.
Sure, we stress over money and making it through work/life each day just like anyone else but I think one of the silver linings to starting over – in a new relationship or new marriage… especially if the children involved are older, is:
you just focus intently on the positive because you’re so fucking grateful for a second chance at love.
Our kids are teens and pre-teen and busy independently with homework, friends and activities, and so everything is different from when they were younger. I can’t tell you the last time I helped with homework or ever watched a practice. Play dates? Gone!
The kids cook, clean their rooms (sorta), and bathe themselves (not often enough imho). One of our kids is even days from driving herself! Noooooo!
Speaking of a buzz kill… here: Our biggest drama in life is still around ex-spouses. And it’s not all bad – just, um… nuanced. The good news here is, in divorce – all interactions whether in-person or financial in nature, are short-lived. Yesssss!! Kids don’t stay minors forever :). That means the toxic and financial ties you have with your ex evaporate when the kids turn 18.
Count down is on!
Oh, sure both parties still take care of kids after 18, it’s a lifelong commitment isn’t it? But, it’s just more, um, direct. You know, between you and your kids. No middle man or woman.
More to come,
Tanya S.
by tanyabittner | Sep 15, 2017 | Today
Don’t take action right away. Get some rest. Clear your mind. Meditate. Change the focus. Think about someone less fortunate than you. Soften. Breathe deeply. Soften some more. Encourage. Uplift. Get busy. Sleep on it. Then, leading without judgment, and with an open heart, decide if you still need to act or maybe you just need to let it go (forever or for a while longer).
What you think about you will manifest more of. Everyone knows this by now, right?
Peace and more to come,
Tanya S.
by tanyabittner | Sep 4, 2017 | Today
Warning: This is a rant of sorts as back-to-school/activities resume – feeling perplexed by the dialogues I’m hearing lately…
Folks are still physically under several feet of water (from hurricanes and flooding) – can you IMAGINE??? Homes and lives are threatened by wild fire, more deadly storms and bizarre weather are in the forecast, people are dying from acts of terrorism, of illness and murder, parents are l o s i n g their children, and 800 thousand more are about to be deported from the US. By a bozo.
And through all this real hardship and devastation happening RIGHT NOW – WE should be helping, praying, lifting each other up – and laser focused on positivity, but instead I’m hearing a lot of folks ridicule, belittle, and blather on-and-on about nonsense – about the exact opposite of hardship and pain – in fact, I’m even witnessing people cause pain. So sad. Stop it already. Please.
I’m not trying to diminish any real problem you’re experiencing or injustice you feel – just want to encourage you to practice finding the positive in any negative situation and to be really careful how you speak to others. “Diminishing another person’s light never makes your shine brighter” – said someone other than me. I want to hear about ways we made a fellow big or little human feel better, helped them to believe in themselves and succeed.
Because, there is more than enough unkindness and hate in the world.
Hearing a lot of resentment and revenge-talk too… breaks my heart and boils my blood. Stop trying to submarine people. It’s just kinda – no, it’s totally – 100 percent, shitty. Oh, and for Pete’s sake, please stop taking advantage of people’s generosity, hard work and contribution they make or the nature of their responsibility “to you” – it’s a short-sighted plan. We’re all connected. #Nothinglastsforever
Vulnerability – it’s actually all the rage right now – it shows character and confidence and leadership.
Of course everyone needs an outlet to get frustrations and hurt feelings off their minds and hearts in order to process and heal. Who doesn’t? I’m doing it now (shrugs meekly). But what is your platform? What are you venting about, really? Is it how horrible someone else is or, is it about the struggle you’re experiencing in our own personal growth, your evolution, your vision, your desire, your wisdom, your lessons (in the mess) your feelings, and the decisions, changes, contributions, advice you’re going to make and give so life (for everyone) can get better?
Change starts with YOU. With SELF.
If you are self-aware enough to embrace that, I want to know you – even deeply. At 44 years young, I am moved by people who have an evolved consciousness and awareness of self and others. People who understand how powerful their words are. This wasn’t me 15 years ago or even 5 years ago, but it IS me now. And if I could say anything to the old me it would be: “Judge less. I forgive you. I’m sorry. Be kinder. Broken hearts – break hearts.”
It’s ok if we’re not aligned spirituality or politically. But at a critical minimum, if we want to connect, if we want to be leaders, we need to think bigger than ourselves in space and time, acknowledge our multiple dimensions, and others’ – and consider how we can help the greater good in our tribe, in our larger circle of friends and family, and then, yes, the world. Why the hell not?
So as this school year leaps out of the gates and us moms, dads, educators and coaches are all thrown back together through activities and holiday functions – if all you do (seriously if it’s all. you. do.) is whine about others, judge, criticize, and blame *everyone* else – then I wish you peace and light but I’ll probs duck from the convo. Go do some good. Lead from within (Lolly Daskal).
More to come,
Tanya S.
by tanyabittner | May 31, 2017 | Today
Totally! Like, 10-15 minutes before I wrote this, I was the exact opposite of “zen”.
(Note: The picture here was taken on the weekend but it captures my current vibe – the “after I told my ego to get lost” self :)).
YES – I get nervous, worried, in-my-head, full of doubt, too. Hello ego!
Shut it down, I tell myself. Meet with that softer, happier, confident, ok-with-uncertainty, you! Transfer those anxious feelings into excitement (’cause that’s what they are a lot of the time…). Is there anything in your life you are on the cusp of having, doing, experiencing and you’re super jazzed about the potential but feel undeserving, scared, unwanted, haunted by legacy shit you had nothing to do with, or thinking you shouldn’t desire whatever it is because: money, priorities, optics, change, judgment?
When the nerves get *that intense* is right when I Go For It Anyway. I do the very thing I want to do or start feeling the way I’m meant to, even though my ego is YeLlInG at me, I shouldn’t.
Change the narrative from, “I’m nervous and scared or ashamed” to, “I’m excited and eager and happy” and watch how life changes for the better when you surrender to your heart’s desire.
Feeling like we get each other lately, thank you for reading along :).
Writing is therapy for me so I wanted to share my today thoughts on the hunch you had some today thoughts of your own.
More to come,
Tanya B.
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