by tanyabittner | Jan 17, 2014 | Thoughts & Desires
When I talk about listening to your heart – what I really mean is, think critically about what you’re hearing and how you’re interpreting or attributing it.
Are you being completely honest, partially honest, or, lying to yourself altogether?
I was asked recently, “How do you know the difference between your heart’s desires and just wanting to act on impulses”?
Great question! And, I’m not sure there is a difference.
Sometimes being impulsive or feeling compelled to do something, pushes you closer to happiness and alignment. Sometimes doing nothing at all, just being still, affords you the time to think long and hard about your heart’s desires. That is unless you’re using the still time to self loathe… no no no!!! That’s not you is it? Remember how awesome you are!
Maybe your heart’s desires include feeling peaceful about your career choice, maybe they’re aspirations of falling in love with the man or woman of your dreams whether you’ve met them or not, getting married, or getting out of a relationship your heart isn’t in anymore to realize your truth.
It could be the promotion you’ve worked so hard for finally coming to pass, your health improving, your income changing for the better, rescuing animals, advocating for something (for me it’s kids), being the best mom or dad on the planet, or simply, finding peace. Maybe it’s to travel the world, buy a house, star in a movie or climb Mt. Everest! Maybe, j u s t maybe… it’s all of the above!
Remember the goal here, is happiness. How do you become the happiest person you know?
I believe your heart, er’ you, know what you really want. But I also believe you have the ability to lie to it. Manipulate it. You can certainly talk yourself into something unrealistic by having an over exaggerated sense of your talents (for example, if you can NOT sing, not even a note, you’ll never win American Idol – you’re not listening to your heart, your lying to it). You can also talk yourself out of chasing a dream or desire actually within your reach – that can make you happy.
Sharp conversational turn here.
I can’t stress enough for my married readers that separation and divorce are not to be taken lightly. If you’re reading this blog with thoughts of ending your marriage, read carefully. If you want to take your life, (and for a while) turn it to shit emotionally, financially, and professionally; put your spouse through the same shit, ditto for your kids, for your in-laws, your parents, siblings, and friends, then you better get real comfy with change and the phrase, no regrets. That’s divorce. Even the most amicable ones, like mine.
Off my divorce soapbox (for) now.
Take a close listen to your heart, then, think critically. You’ll hear the answers soon enough. Doesn’t mean you (believe you) can or, will listen, let alone be open to change and ultimately, alignment. Listening also means, acknowledging the hard work that comes with aligning your life.
You have to make changes in order to realize that what you heard will actually make youhappier. That’s alignment.
Think about it.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Jan 14, 2014 | Thoughts & Desires
Read on redbookmag.com recently, that blogging is, (and I’m paraphrasing here) like “flinging your diary open for the world to see”.
Not sure a better analogy exists.
I’ve blogged for years. Mostly professional pieces focused on the high-end, exclusive, country club industry. Even became a specialist, consulting for some of the most luxurious clubs in the world. But these days, I’m blogging about personal/anecdotal, motivational stuff. It’s surprising how much you learn about you when you put yourself out there. Here goes (gulp).
As an adolescent thinking about how my future might play out, I certainly saw marriage, butnever imagined divorcing after 17 years of it, or becoming a mother of four (two are mine, two are my fiancés), and certainly never imagined that I wouldn’t be living in New York by now, editor of some hip news rag. Wrote my first article when I was eight, and later became editor of my junior college paper, so of course I was going to grow up to be a writer :-).
Looking back on my 41 years, (you know from earlier posts), I’ve suffered tremendous loss. Both parents, four of my siblings, the only grandmother I knew, an aunt and an uncle, have all died. Each of them passed from various illnesses including the big C (breast and pancreatic). I can tell you first hand, the grieving and coping process is B R U T A L. It can last years and years, and in my case, still lingers.
But, on the upside, I became a provincial championship dancer, trained in three types of classical ballet, danced with a ballet company at 12, modeled, did the pageant thing (that’s for another blog), and later, went on to put myself through college.
None of those things would be possible without the love and support from an amazing family. My surviving sisters are survivors. My heroes. They both embody the word, matriarch. No one can give you a reality check or a piece of humble pie like these two ladies!
And friends. Wow, do I have some amazing friends. Seriously. I just need to touch my heart and close my eyes for a minute… There, thought of each and every one them just then and smiled. So thankful.
I’ve also experienced significant career successes. I became a journalist, worked more than a decade in marketing and public relations, successfully launched two businesses, and on an even more personal note, am blessed to truly love and, be loved.
Yes, at 41 years young, I have a surprisingly critical, and yet deep understanding about what’s important in life given all my tragedies and triumphs.
It’s happiness. Not moments of greatness… just a steady stream of contentment.
I have happiness now because I started changing my life to closer align with my heart’s desires. I’m a becoming a better everyone now. Better mom, better sister, better friend, better colleague, and yes, soon, a better wife. It’s an organic process.
Try writing in your diary. That’s when your heart starts speaking. And with any luck, you’ll start listening. Get to know YOU.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Jan 9, 2014 | Today
Today was one of the most bizarre days I’ve had in a long time. I won’t bore you with granular details, ok, yes I will, but in short, I thought I should give up on the day some time around 10:00 am, head to a bar, and order a Manhattan. This ever happen to you?
Reader’s digest version: my car was in the shop, the loaner wouldn’t start, I borrowed Brad’s (my fiance’s) car to get the kids to school (on time), then a short time later, borrowed a fourth car, to pick them up from school. AAA rocks by the way.
I said triple A – not A-A.
Had a promising prospective client call at 10:30 am and snuck off to the gym for a workout. So you could say things were looking up!
But, by 1:00 pm, while staring at the lunch bill (I had one daughter and her friend with me), I realized I didn’t have my wallet. Absentmindedly left it in a different spot at home after dealing with triple A guy earlier.
My drinking pal, I mean fellow mom, could have joined me and paid (I’d pay her back of course), but I knew with the day I was having, and in her fabulous company, that one Manhattan would have turned into two Tanhattans in a New York minute. Instead, my fiancé saved the day times two (remember I needed his car earlier) when he paid the lunch bill over the phone for me. Off I went to turn things around (again). It’s now maybe 1:15 pm ish.
Got my second daughter from school, picked up my car from the shop and headed home. Settled in at 3:00 pm to do some work before taking the girls to dance at 4:30 pm. Overheard from the bathroom, “hey mama, don’t forget the dance time changed today, so class is at 3:30 pm”.
Of course it is.
Ok, so I get them dropped at dance (on time), deliver the friend from earlier to her mom, then realize I desperately need gas. Remembered to grab my wallet, so this task is no problem. That is, until the giant Mastiff (redundant), in the back of the pick up truck parked in front of me, attacked a stranger. A-T-T-A-C-K-E-D. Now, before you get carried away, the victim was repeatedly warned to stay clear of the dog (I saw and heard the whole thing), he didn’t listen.
I was so freaked out I started to drive away with the gas pump still in my car (yes, the one just newly back from the mechanic shop). I drove straight to dance, grabbed the girls, and headed home – fast and safely.
It’s 8:00 pm, guess what I’m having…
Anyway, so you heard about the cocktails, where does the perspective come in and what’s this about gushy stuff?
I told Brad all about my bizarre day, every detail (really, there were so many nuances to each story line), chalk full of complaining even whining I’m sure, inflection changes in my voice for dramatic effect on select words, and plenty of cussing.
Cue perspective:
“No dwelling on it. U had a good call, worked out, had lunch with your daughter and her friend and your car is finally fixed. Not a bad day. “
Cue gushy stuff:
“Plus, I got to wake up next to the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen who also happens to be the love of my life. That makes every day a good day for me. Xoxo”
We can all use a new perspective every now and then :-).
Cheers and, more to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Jan 3, 2014 | Today
I know, it’s only the 3rd day of 2014. But it’s not too early to get on with it.
It being – your life.
I’ve read so many inspiring quotes over the last few days, but here’s one that jumped off the page: “everything you want is on the other side of fear” – Jack Canfield.
Fear… what a provocative word.
For some it’s fear of losing someone or something. Fear of failure. Fear of change… For others, there’s a misattribution. Insecurity or lack of confidence.
I am confident in my relationships as a mother, soon-to-be wife, co-parent, friend, sister, aunt, professional… The only thing I’m really afraid of??? Bees and spiders.
It’s not enough just to listen to your heart’s desires, you have to be ready to take action. Be intentional. You – no one else – has to be ready.
In order to align your life with your heart’s desires, you have to fear – less.
Get on with it. Life.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Dec 30, 2013 | Thoughts & Desires
To show you that I intend to practice what I preach… and embark on this journey with you, here’s a glimpse of my 2014 desires.
I desire to:
- Blog (write) daily
- Finish my novel
- Secure a literary agent
- Marry the man of my dreams
- Launch my special project
- Rebrand and restructure my consulting firm
- Broaden my scope to more verticals, not offer more services
- Run more (which means, stay healthy enough to do so)
- Inspire and motivate others – especially all four of my kids
Now, the next step is to figure out how to align my life so that I can realize my desires.
Chasing your heart’s desires isn’t some new concept… it’s not “my idea”… it’s in centuries old teachings. What enabled me to recently embrace and adapt the concept was the idea of alignment. Anytime I ever actually ever got what I wanted, what my heart desired, was when I aligned everything in my life to make it happen. I’ve always had dreams, wants, hopes… but unless I aligned my life, I ignored my heart, and those dreams, wants, hopes did not come to pass.
Here’s just a few examples: I wanted to go to USC to pursue my undergrad degree. For a host of reasons, I didn’t. I didn’t align my life to make it happen. No one else’s fault.
I did however want children. Whether having my own or adopting. You’d better believe I focused on nothing else but having them, aligned my entire life around being prepared to have them – and, I have them: two daughters, and two soon-to-be, stepsons.
I can think of at least 10 more examples… bet you can think of a few on your own too.
The concept of alignment is actually very simple: everything I do, you do, everyday, must include something actionable, something intentional.
I’m in this with you. More to come.
Tanya B.
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