by tanyabittner | Apr 30, 2015 | Today
Say what?
It’s true, studies show that being touched has unbelievable and incalculable benefits on our psyche and even on our overall health.
Neurologist Shekar Raman, MD, in Richmond, Virginia says: “A hug, pat on the back, and even a friendly handshake are processed by the reward center in the central nervous system, which is why they can have a powerful impact on the human psyche, making us feel happiness and joy. And it doesn’t matter if you’re the toucher or touchee. The more you connect with others — on even the smallest physical level — the happier you’ll be.”
I can say for me, this is gospel (cue angels singing)! I’ll explain later. But, I know I’m on edge as soon as I start galvanizing over things that otherwise wouldn’t even receive one second of my attention or when the daily tasks in my life become unusually laborious: birthday parties, competitions, deadlines, travel, dance emails, projects, homework, testing, home cooking, endless meetings, ex-spouses, legal battles, et al ;).
Our to-do lists might look different, but you know you’re on edge when you don’t feel good inside, you’re frustrated, you’ve got negative thoughts flowing, and you’re energy is drained. I. So. Get. It.
Here’s where the angels sing for me: being touched makes it all better – it just simply WORKS! My husband sometimes has to wrestle me to the bed or pin me down while I’m scurrying about trying to “get it all done,” but when I sink into his arms, with my head on his heart, our legs all intertwined… within seconds, not minutes, I’m completely at ease, positive, and can conquer the world again :). Nothing beats it.
So if you’re having a bad day, a bad week – snuggle your spouse, your kids, your mom, dad, siblings… hell, even give your friends a big squeeze. Your soul will thank you. It’s likely theirs will too.
As cliche as it sounds, life is a journey. I love finding new ways on this path to make it better, happier, more productive, and more peaceful. We can all use a little more bliss.
More to come,
Tanya B.
Read more at WPBeginner: Health Benefits of Human Touch http://www.exhibithealth.com/general-health/health-benefits-of-human-touch-1345/
by tanyabittner | Apr 12, 2015 | Thoughts & Desires, Today
It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for what you want. Asking for love, happiness, security, peace, and even forgiveness may feel vulnerable, but that openness shows great fortitude and resilience. Why? Because you will be denied. Repeatedly. When it happens your pulse will race, your heart will hurt… real bad. Your bones will ache, you can feel utterly immobilized. But that two-way flow of honesty (asking + rejection) will feed your soul and that’s when it begins to trust you. You. Can’t. Have. Pleasure. Without. Pain. The courage to ask again and again even though you’ve been rejected before means there’s an expansion happening. There’s nothing weak about that.
And let me tell you, when you nail it… when what you ask for is met with this mirror of acceptance, you are elated! Your heart leaps, your skin feels electric! You’re transported to cloud nine with a whole new level of zeal for all of your desires. Not just a high of receiving what you asked for this time… you are empowered and open to ask for more!
Often times your mind can stretch far enough to keep asking despite the potential of being met with an unwanted answer, but your heart and soul may be slow to follow after being hurt and rejected. Sometimes it’s the other way around entirely. Your heart and soul forgive and start moving faster than your mind will allow.
But when the internal tug-of-war ceases, these magical parts of you synch up and start to work in tandem… that’s alignment… and you’ll begin to see those branches on the decision tree of life more clearly… more paths for asking will be revealed.
Take them. There’s strength in movement.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Apr 10, 2015 | Today
Ya, you! So let’s think about all the fantastic things happening in your life right now. Wait, what’s that? Nothing fantastic is happening? Bull Sh*!. Are you breathing? Is your heart beating? Presumably if you’re reading this, the answer to both of those questions is, yes.
Life! What an amazing concept…
Listen, I’m not going to trivialize or minimize any real frustrations, concerns, health issues, emotional needs, or grief you may have today. Believe me I have experienced them all myself. When I look back on those times of struggle in my life where I was led by my feelings, the one, silent, ever present participant in my journey, was life.
I was alive! I wasn’t living – but I was alive. And so are you! So let’s use that as a baseline today and work up from there, yes?
Today, I challenge you to remind yourself that you are remarkable. You are bold. You are kind. You are happy. You may not feel any of these things in the moment – but here’s a hint… keep saying those descriptive words to yourself over and over instead of the negative ones currently on replay in your head and you’ll be amazed at how quickly you start to feel and believe them.
It’s true. Bodacious you 🙂
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Apr 6, 2015 | Today
As Christians, we understand how very important this day is – it’s the day we believe Jesus was resurrected. His resurrection meant all kinds of things to believers, but primarily it meant HOPE that eternal life through Christ had been restored!
Today we spent some inspiring time with family. Our collective hope for an area of life that’s otherwise been met with many a heavy-heart, has been restored!
For the first time in two years, we have hope that two young members of our blended family will soon be freed from the destructive and damaging clutches of their topsy-turvy past so they may live out-loud, embracing the strong connections they have with their siblings, step-siblings, extended family members, and with us regardless of where they live; regardless of who they’re with.
We have hope that peace will abound, love will prevail, and the best interests of the children will be the first priority – always.
“Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing!” Isaiah 43: 18-19
Happy Easter!
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Apr 4, 2015 | Thoughts & Desires
Metaphorically speaking, I like to think we all have an inner North Star… one consistent, never-changing compass of guiding principles, goals, or desires we aspire to live by. I have one :). My North Star has five points: happiness, peace, gratitude, strength and perseverance.
No matter how cluttered my life gets, I’m conscious of the points in my North Star every day. And believe me, divorced and blended families can be FULL of clutter. I don’t mean that in a pejorative sense, it’s just a reality that things can get messy and sometimes even crowded in blended families – especially for parties of six!
The messy part is especially true of divorced families with disgruntled ex-spouses at the helm of kids’ primary homes. I’m not talking about the exes who were legitimately wronged – though even then, you have to put your grievances aside and make decisions in the best interest of the children. I’m talking about the one’s who no longer wanted to be in their marriages, who betrayed their marital vows with lengthy affairs, or who asked their (then) spouses to leave the family home so they could carry on as singles… the exes who’ve done all of these things often lose composure (aka: freak out) when their soon-to-be ex-spouses move on and ultimately file for divorce.
Divorced parents listen up: on-going post-divorce negotiations about money and kids are necessary. They’re about two parents needing to co-exist in the best interest of the kids (repeat this phrase again and again) until they’re at least 18. Period. Psychologist Judith Wallerstein interviewed a group of children of divorce from the 1970s into the 1990s. She learned, “what [kids] remembered about the post-divorce years was their sense that they had indeed been abandoned by both parents*”. So exes who get caught up in control, inflexibility, double-standards, and selfishness – guess what? They. Lose. Too.
Find your North Star instead of bickering about control. Take deep breaths. You need to think about what’s best for your kids now and be able to see around the corner into their future (even when the other parent doesn’t). What decisions are you making about their teenage years? How about college?
You need to be running parallel efforts – thinking about what’s best for the kids and you! Alignment with your guiding principles is important for everyone. After all, it is your life we’re talking about too. The kids grow, they have families of their own… don’t lose yourself in the process.
Live intentionally. Be your authentic you.
“For what you resist, persists” – unknown.
Don’t entertain the drama that comes in those post-divorce months and years. Center through it. Breathe. Have hope. Find your North Star and never take your eyes off it.
More to come,
Tanya B.
*Judith Wallerstein: Forget the Notion Divorce Won’t Hurt Kids. It Will.” Biography 1 (1997): 79-81.
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