by tanyabittner | Oct 20, 2015 | Today
This is such a great question. It’s one I ask regularly when I’m seeking advice, knowledge, healing, compassion. I choose to listen to God, my husband, my parents (even though they’re gone, their voices are always in my head), my soul sisters, soul brothers, fellow authentic spirit junkies and mentors because they’ve experienced hardship. They’ve Suffered. Physically. Financially. Lost Loved Ones, or Themselves. Been Broken. Emotionally. Addicted. Afflicted with Health issues. Endured.
And then, made it. Really fucking made it.
They exude light. Many have even climbed out of hell only to find themselves right back in it – and. Still. Climbed. Out. Again.
They’re mad strong. They stand up for what’s right and unpopular. They’re respected. They’re humble. They don’t point fingers. They take ownership. They listen to hear. They lift up, not tear down. They aren’t always liked – because, they’re mirrors: reflections of what others don’t like in themselves. They’re consistent and unwavering. In any situation.
They may be young and wise beyond their years, or old visionaries… Even deceased luminaries with writings and teachings that make me weak.
I look for something relatable, some common thread that can be woven into a multi-cultural, multi-dimensional, spiritual, kind, brilliant, creative, tough, understandable, humane, colorful tapestry. There has to be a human connection. Whether I know them personally or not, there has to be a connectedness – a series of “a-ha” moments or “yyyeeeesss”! Some “you-are-speaking-directly-to-me”‘s! Something that moves me. Some pain. Some joy. Some successes. Some failures.
All of that – that’s why I listen.
As you make your way through this crazy world, this one life, it’s important to have some guidance. Sure, you can do it alone. But, where’s the fun in that :).
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Oct 11, 2015 | Today
The past few days have been a bit of a three-ring-circus! You might think I’m complaining… I’m not. It’s just true and analogous to the… let’s say, colorful weekend we’ve had :). From dizzying reconnections with family long over due, to the pandemonium that is the homecoming experience, to the lively weekend sports’ schedule.
Each of these happenings of course has its own protracted back-story but I’ll try to summarize succinctly.
Dizzying reconnections:
When pressurized emotions stream out of a kid like a loose fire hose after seeing the father she’s been alienated from up close and personal for the first time in four years, it’s worth taking a closer, psychological look. Period.
Pandemonium homecoming:
Parental communication is critical when planning for manis/pedis, group photos, dinners, transportation oh, and… shoes. Comfortable shoes. Hashtag – toldya.
Lively sports:
Notwithstanding the health and mental benefits, children are taught life skills through sports like accountability, dedication, leadership, confidence, discipline, and commitment. Our kids thrive when they’re being active and we are ecstatic about the boys finally being back in sports after two years off – even it means early mornings, traffic, over-times, and different fields – bring. it. on!
Just some Sunday ramblings and a glimpse of two days inside a blended-family life. Now we’re off to enjoy what’s left of our weekend together, sans any more circus acts :).
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Sep 19, 2015 | Today
I’ve been messaged privately through my blog several times over the past few months by women who are actively going through separation or who are in heated, painful conversations with their husbands about divorcing.
Most of my writings are about life after filing for divorce, not about marriages headed for divorce so I’ve really had to examine my replies. Divorce is such a personal experience and I’m just not qualified to advise on how to get there or how to prevent it from happening. Every situation is so nuanced and different. I can say this with confidence though:
Often times the divorce process resembles how the marriage looked.
I’ve said this before in my first post back in 2013 Alignment – “I’m not an advocate of divorce”.
Even if you think you’re ready for it, you’re not. Whether you’re the one initiating divorce, or the one fighting to prevent it, you will experience the following in varying degrees at some point through the process:
- Fear
- Abandonment
- Loss of Control
- Devastation
- Frustration
- Vulnerability
- Betrayal
- Economic Worry
- Lifestyle Changes
- Anger
- New Boundaries
- Inequality
- Inconvenience
- Loneliness
- Bitterness
- Helplessness
- Physical Pain
- Emotional Pain
- Failure
I write about how to deal with and accept the uncertainty of all that.
Sending you light and love in your personal journey.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Sep 7, 2015 | Today
It also takes up so much room in your brain that could be better spent on things you love and enjoy, like aligning your life for a better you or championing something philanthropic.
Everyone is on a journey of self evolution; a work in progress. You never know when your catching them along that path.
So don’t be quick to judge and dismiss; you don’t like it when it happens to people you care about, or causes you believe in, so dial back the internal dialogue you have with yourself that people should look, behave, and speak in a certain way according to you.
You can’t possibly see everyone in their wholeness and be privy to their decision making.
Free up some of that space in your mind for kinder, more accepting, playful parts and thoughts of you.
Take a break from judging yourself through others.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Aug 23, 2015 | Thoughts & Desires
It takes courage after divorce to look at yourself in this new way. In love. I know what you’re thinking, “how can I be in a meaningful relationship when I’ve closed a chapter of my life that involved… wait for it, being in a meaningful relationship?”
I get it. Sorta. I mean, I get the self loathing, and feeling like a failure part. I just don’t believe you only get one shot at love. And neither should you.
Regardless of the reasons for unravelling your marriage, if you’ve found yourself in a position to experience love again, please allow your heart to be touched. You’ll be surprised at how light the burden feels when you stop putting conditions on yourself to be happy. When you start forgiving yourself.
“If I wait for this to happen, then I can date or love”. Or, “My ex isn’t ready for me to move on publicly so I’ll put my happiness on hold”. Or, “I’m going to wait for my ex to find happiness first, then I will find some”. Or how about this one, “My ex has moved on and I’m humiliated so I can’t move on”. STOP! Are YOU ready to love again?
If the answer is yes, then this could be a real chance to get to know yourself and someone else, in a deeper way than you did before. Whether it’s for a day, a week, a month or a lifetime, allowing your heart to be touched feels so roomy… so much space opens up.
Pema Chodron is one of my favorite writers. I love this paragraph she wrote about what it feels like to have an open heart:
“There’s an immense sense of well-being, which doesn’t have anything to do with pleasant or unpleasant, good or bad, hope or fear, disgrace or fame. It’s something that simply comes to you when you feel that you can keep your heart open.”
Isn’t that powerful? That’s you! You can love again.
Your identity was coupled with someone else’s for so long I’ll bet the last thing you want to do is share your new or reclaimed selfhood with anyone. I don’t see it that way but I understand the position.
I believe in order to love (even better than you thought you did before) you need to inhale your partner completely. That belief isn’t for everyone but to me, being in love means you get lost in the other person. I’m not suggesting you lose yourself. Check it.
I mean, consider allowing yourself to wander around in all the senses of someone else.
When you find yourself lost on the freeway because you’ve missed an exit and need to turn around… you haven’t lost your sense of self, you’ve just lost your sense of direction. Love isn’t like that.
There is no destination in true love. It’s an exploration.
More to come,
Tanya B.
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