by tanyabittner | Sep 26, 2016 | Today
You have a fresh start today! Whoo hoo!
Leave the insecurities, self-loathing, fear and regret behind you.
Be less serious and more playful!
C’mon, just do it. Forgive yourself. Look in the mirror, and smile at who you see :). G’ahead… smile… just a little… Remember everything you’ve already accomplished – maybe you’re a mom (sure, to pets counts), a stepmom, a provider, a creator, a leader… who cares what happened yesterday. Start fresh :).
If you’re really feeling energized and perky – GO BIG! Start that project, finish one, lace up those shoes and get moving, re-dedicate, vow to make it all the way through your to-do-list, compromise more – way more, forgive, be rebellious, wonder, explore, create, align, re-align, love yourself, REPEAT.
Here’s a tip:
When you’re laser focused on staying positive, nuggets of luck pop up everywhere.
An idea, a decision, an offer, some love, a break – you’ll know it when you see it, hear it, or feel it. It’s the universe’s way of rewarding you. Keep it up!
Being positive is an intrinsic part of your journey to becoming a better, more evolved, enlightened, you. But it’s going to take practice.
Malcolm Gladwell says it takes 10,000 hours of practice to master anything so if you practice being negative, judgmental, hard on yourself, conniving and shitty to others, you’ll become an expert at all of it. Or, you can practice every day to be positive, kind, the right amount of generous, empathetic, and forgiving of yourself and others.
Think about that though… even if you practice 24/7 for one year, you’d still be shy of being an expert positive thinker. So two things:
- Cut yourself some slack; it won’t happen over night – or, even in a year as it turns out and;
- Embrace the hard work; there will be set backs, so keep practicing.
Here’s to a happy, positive, clear minded you :).
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Sep 19, 2016 | Thoughts & Desires
This is crazy! When I first wrote the story below, it was mid-way through September. Hadn’t published it because I don’t publish everything I write… but, today (10.10.16), when I logged in to write a new post (At Peace) – I saw Emotional Purging in the “drafts” folder and was DUMBFOUNDED that two different old wounds had resurfaced (in much the same way) almost a month apart from one another – oddly in and around my daughter’s two high school dances of the year. This was a sign if I’ve ever seen one! I had to publish it when it should have hit which is why you’ll see it as new content occurring in the past. Life is so wonderfully strange!
Emotional Purging.
It can be the best free therapy e v e r. I generally know when I need to rid my mind of old garbage. What about you? When you’re feeling angry, sad or frustrated about something and all those emotions are swirling around in your head like the inside of a hornets’ nest do you make a conscious effort to get rid of it?
Maybe you vent to someone, cry, punch bags, run miles and miles, burn pictures and letters in the fire pit out back, whatever it takes! Everyone gets rid of mental and emotional clutter differently.
I actually just did this recently – emotionally purged. And it was very unexpected.
It started on a Friday evening. I was in the throes of merrily entertaining a few teenagers who were getting ready for a high school dance. I had been flitting back and forth between cooking in the kitchen (even had the apron on) and taking pictures for their Instagram accounts in the backyard. It’s where I learned the correct way to snap a boomerang (you count to three out loud, but hold the button down on two). Anyway, I was also singing along to Fleetwood Mac and Bryan Adams’ songs, texting with Brad, checking social media, and laughing when BAM! Like someone splashed cold water on me – I was instantly immobilized and the last four years of my life came out of the walls around me and zoomed past my ears.
Not going to get into the details but in broad strokes, I unexpectedly came across something. Something that made me want to grab my passport and jump on a plane headed to Mexico.
The old me would’ve done that too. I was a well conditioned flight risk back then, that’s for sure. But I had these kids here and more were coming – they all needed to eat, they wanted more pictures, they needed a ride to the dance, and in the meantime, they needed me to be the light, fun mom. Not the “take off to Mexico”, mom.
After they jumped out of the SUV, waved bye and turned toward the gym where the dance was taking place – I caught my breath. Felt like I’d held it for hours. Now what? I mean I didn’t go looking for this – I was as happy as could be seconds before – I didn’t have time for it – I didn’t want any of it. R O A R!
Human.
You’re re-conditioned to react differently now – come on, inhale, exhale (I told myself all of these things).
Ignore the backstory.
Separate it from what you saw.
Breathe…
Still not working.
All I wanted to do was go back in time and take care of business. You know what I mean. Really let someone have it!
Wait? I still can (I thought). Can’t I?
Yes. I could go back to the future. But what good would it do? No one else would see it coming either. I ran through scenarios of what taking care of business would mean for a lot of people. It wasn’t good. There was no healthy outcome for anyone.
Fuck it – well into Saturday by now, I decided there was no other way out of this emotional hold.
So I started to write and write and write – and come Monday morning I was still writing. Then I got to the end. The very last word. Three days of unexpected purging led to righteousness in one word at the end of a journal entry. One freaking word. I paused. Questioned my initial motive for wanting to go back to the future and really let someone have it… and then, I smiled. One word and forgiveness and peace finally came over me.
Shuckhart. That’s the word.
Keep your eyes forward. That’s where you’re going.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Sep 16, 2016 | Today
You can be accomplished, you can succeed, you can wear different hats at the same time (or not), you can be a provider, you can be a leader, you can recover, you can find love, you can rebuild, you can get in shape, you can be healthier… Yes, You Can.
Do not contingency plan.
If you want any and all of these things – hell, if you need them, get after it.
One foot in front of the other.
It won’t happen over night. Slow and steady wins this race. You’ll need help along the way. Ask for it. Be thankful. Repay your debts, no matter how long it takes. You will misstep. Get back up. Brush that shit off and, live.
Fucking , live and laugh while you’re working your ass off to get what you want.
Some will encourage you. Others will wait for you to fall just to judge you. Even more. Yes, they already do.
It doesn’t matter. None of that matters. Focus on you.
Get on with it…
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Sep 14, 2016 | Today
Before yesterday, it had been awhile since posting – and that’s due in large part to the blessings of projects at work, some enriching opportunities, and lately, f i n a l l y, some free flowing creativity! But man have I been aching to get back here to you :).
The last few weeks have been peppered with thoughts of how to feed the creative spirit when we’re feeling wretched about ourselves (or others). What blocks our creativity in these times – what prevents imagination, innovation, experimentation?
I’ve re-discovered it’s those damn back stories. We just attach them to everything don’t we? There’s a storyline attached to every predicament, every argument, every judgment, every closed off belief, every insecurity, every opinion, maybe even…
every.
interaction.
Gasp.
I know whenever I’m feeling crappy emotionally and spiritually, there’s generally a story gnawing at me while I’m trying to make a point, a decision or just trying to move through the day. Maybe this happens for you too – or maybe it’s just me (do you think it’s just me?)… but, thinking more critically, are we ever fully present if we’re listening to an old story or watching a life movie replay in our mind’s eye? Doubt it. We’re likely not making clear decisions or valid points either. We certainly aren’t in a state of mindfulness allowing for the ability to cut ourselves or others, some slack. Story lines include preconceived opinions, emotions and our well conditioned ways of dealing.
I was turned on to this storyline idea from Pema Chödrön’s book, “Living Beautifully With Uncertainty and Change”. (I’ve read the book, annotated on almost every page and if you read my blog you know I cite Pema a lot. I’m her student even though she doesn’t know it). A n y w a y, while promoting the book back in 2012, Pema wrote:
“It’s not life that causes suffering, it’s our story about life – our interpretation – that causes so much distress. It isn’t the current storyline that’s the root of our pain; it’s our propensity to be bothered in the first place. The propensity to feel sorry for ourselves, the propensity to be jealous, the propensity to get angry—our habitual, all-too-familiar emotional responses are like seeds that we just keep watering and nurturing.”
I swear I hear angels sing when I read her words. “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh” So powerful. And, so true for me. Let it go (I tell myself). Right now – not later. Right. Now. Unless you like feeling miserable, then by all means hold on tight.
Yes – you have to practice this… the letting go part. Practice re-conditioning yourself to be present and not stuck in the routine of reacting a certain way. If you can catch yourself reacting the way you always have – and re-set… you open, you soften, and you try a new way of “dealing”… I’ve done this successfully. Recently even. It works. It takes practice but it works. Those bad feelings toward self or others begin to fade almost instantly. Wretched feeling gone. Hello peace and forgiveness and listening.
Creative juices flowing :).
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Sep 13, 2016 | Today
The kids are back in school – yipee! I miss them, sure. But I’d be flat out lying if I said I was sad. I’m not. At. All.
Freedom!
(chuckles – hands up)
Seriously though, I know there was a time when the girls were smaller and I whaled uncontrollably at the idea of being separated from them and even tiptoed outside nursery school windows, in the bushes and cacti (don’t judge me), to check on them. Hashtag no lie. I suppose I could craft something here about those frantic memories to be more relatable to moms who are struggling with this time of year, but that’s not very exciting or authentic to me as a mom or writer, now. It was a truth then. Not now.
Our teens and tweens need the type of structure and accountability that comes from having to wake up, get ready, and be where people are expecting them from 7:30am through 2:30pm every day, five-days-a-week. They need to be growing academically, participating, learning, and socializing face-to-face instead of through those stupid phones (eye roll).
They need to realign and get back into a healthy school routine.
Alignment is listening to your heart’s desire like it’s a religion.
Maybe you’re thinking their hearts’ desires probs (teen slang for probably) don’t involve going back to school :). Don’t worry, the fall season is when all their after-school desired activities formally resume – they’re hooked up.
Ok, enough about them :).
Alignment. You know the, “if you’re not doing what your heart desires you’re wasting your life” concept. Now’s a good time to get back on that.
First, let’s catch up – it was a long summer:
We went to Carlsbad, Vegas, Orlando, La Jolla – I also hit NYC and Brad jetted off to Boston and St. Augustine. We spent hours and hours in the pool on oversized floaties (think swans, turtles, and ice cream bars) with the Bose system blaring summer hits. It was the perfect lazy, family summer.
The bulk of my days are still packed with fulfilling work (thank the Lord) and now, chauffeuring kids to and from school. But while they’re in evening activities is when I’ve been working to update and synch business/family calendars, identifying pockets of travel, looking ahead to the holiday season, winter breaks, parties, and who goes where, when. Not very exciting I know but part of staying aligned for me is about being mentally and physically organized.
Then it’s on to the real personal stuff – health, money (sigh), and creating. It’s constant. The aligning and re-aligning. You align, things really get rocking (as they do when your heart + mind are working together), then you start putting you last, dead-last and alignment goes out the proverbial window.
And that’s ok. You get as many do-overs and re-starts as it takes because if you’re not getting it right, you’re misstepping, or, you’re realizing a bigger desire and things need to change again anyway. It’s an uncertain journey and aren’t we all just trying to get comfortable with it? (Curious – did you almost say “jiggy with it” when you read that? I thought of re-writing that sentence for a second).
Anyway, what I’m keenly interested in lately, is how to deepen the level of alignment in life. That’s the next thing whispering to me…
How’ve you been?
More to come,
Tanya B.
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