Brad and I have been hiking and/or walking together almost every day the last two months – like, I’m talking l o n g walks… four-to-six miles *each time* we head out together. Once we wondered seven miles. Into a different city. In 100 degree heat. So we stopped for cocktails and Ubered home :-).
Naturally.
These long walks mean TIME. Time together. Each outing lasts an hour-and-a-half to two-hours a day and we are talking to each other with no distractions the entire time! No kids, no work, no driving, and more importantly – no screen time.
I’m not going to get into our sex life here but let’s just say, communication is *major* foreplay ;). #marriage
Anyway, we talk about E V E R Y T H I N G. And anything. Dreams, goals, desires, frustrations, money, retirement, debt, current events, history, our favorite podcasts, work, family, kids, friends, adversaries (oh yes we have a few), and all that’s in between.
Daily.
We used to cover these subjects late at night, or on weekends, but now our evenings and Sunday fundays are just that – fun! Or lazy, or productive or whatever. Unless we’re stressed out about natural disasters or taxes. Then, not so much fun 😏.
We’ve become addicted to this time together. Catching up. Staying connected. Rain, heat, darkness, or wind – we still set off on these journeys. Together. I push him. He pushes me. And it’s just fucking awesome.
Yes – we’ve become the old couple who walks together ♥️.
I know some of you want more controversy, more “real life” and relatable stories from me and I promise, a) we’ve had our share of drama over the years and b) as those kinds of storylines (that’s all they are – stories) arise, I’ll share them with you. In bits and pieces or a full-on deluge. But the truth is, our life is pretty content. Work, school drop offs, work, school pick ups, dance drop offs, dance pick ups – repeat. The odd athletic practice and game, some social stuff with friends and family, but mostly we’re living life much like you see in my posts: sitting by our pool, walking/running/hiking, lounging on our couch, in bed, cooking dinners, enjoying happy hours and having coffee, wine, or beer. We’re home bodies, mostly.
No manufactured pics snapped from inside upscale hotels we can’t afford, or fancy cars that aren’t ours, or from inside cultural/artistic forums meant for exploration, not photo ops. What you see is kinda what you get. Minus some cellulite and belly fat – but we’re not ashamed of that, we just don’t want to show it 🙌🏻.
Besides, do you really want to see my belly fat and cellulite? If you do, I think it says more about you than it does about me.
Sure, we stress over money and making it through work/life each day just like anyone else but I think one of the silver linings to starting over – in a new relationship or new marriage… especially if the children involved are older, is:
you just focus intently on the positive because you’re so fucking grateful for a second chance at love.
Our kids are teens and pre-teen and busy independently with homework, friends and activities, and so everything is different from when they were younger. I can’t tell you the last time I helped with homework or ever watched a practice. Play dates? Gone!
The kids cook, clean their rooms (sorta), and bathe themselves (not often enough imho). One of our kids is even days from driving herself! Noooooo!
Speaking of a buzz kill… here: Our biggest drama in life is still around ex-spouses. And it’s not all bad – just, um… nuanced. The good news here is, in divorce – all interactions whether in-person or financial in nature, are short-lived. Yesssss!! Kids don’t stay minors forever :). That means the toxic and financial ties you have with your ex evaporate when the kids turn 18.
Count down is on!
Oh, sure both parties still take care of kids after 18, it’s a lifelong commitment isn’t it? But, it’s just more, um, direct. You know, between you and your kids. No middle man or woman.
More to come,
Tanya S.
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