Ok, let’s just take a moment to appreciate the fact that we have indeed overcome… we haven’t NOT made it through anything yet, right? Those scary times, the frustrating ones, devastating heartbreak, injustice, loss, financial stress, health issues, disappointment, embarrassment, betrayal… whatever it was you once thought you’d never make it through… you did. You’re alive – reading this – which means you made it. Or you’re working through it.
Sure, you may be different now. Scarred, broken, tougher, weaker, jaded, more humble, less healthy, healthier, more financially secure, less financially secure, in therapy, whatever… Maybe you’re just pissed off… but You. Are. Here.
I’m with you!
Fuck am I with you.
I haven’t written in a few months and so much has happened but I don’t have the energy to recap it. Not yet. I will one day because it’s important shit but the time isn’t now. What is worth talking about is the God’s (and I’ve never been closer to Him) honest truth that what we put energy into had better be what we want more of because it’s coming! What you think about most, materializes.
#lessons
This post isn’t a tell-all (though that may come) but, can we get real for a sec? Because – I never want anyone to think my life (as depicted on social media) is the only dimension. My life IS pretty fucking good from where I sit. But it’s not perfect. Ya’ll know that perfect shit doesn’t exist. I won’t post my worst wife, friend, family, ex-wife, or parenting moments – but they happen! My relationships are flawed, my body is almost 45, but… I’ve entered the age of wisdom (grins). Which really means menopause (more detail coming on this soon). Oh yes… menopause has hit early, and there’s so much crazy!
Meantime.
MY BODY:
I have lots of cellulite, stretch marks, wrinkles, three tattoos, currently rocking and loving some long-ass hair extensions, I have a goofy gap in my upper lip (super bad fall 20 years ago; split it open so bad half my lip covered my nostrils), I have NEVER had plastic surgery (but I may one day). The only injections I’ve ever had were in 1997: hormones in my ass (3 times) to treat endometriosis. I feel and look better when I workout every day but actually only do it two or three times a week. I fucking love my job (even though no one knows what I do) and I was born in 1972.
RELATIONSHIPS:
I married Rob in 1995. We separated in 2012 and finalized our divorce, finally, in 2014. It was painful. Excruciating, almost unrecoverable kind of painful. But it was right. We made two beautiful, fucking strong, smart, talented, fierce – my mom would be so proud – girls. We have a great friendship. But like any *real* friendship, we fight and then resolve things. Sometimes quickly, sometimes it takes months. Sometimes we even believe we’ll never speak again and threaten to hire attorneys (which we’ve never done, not yet anyway). Then we do speak again. I call it being family.
Rob has a fiancé, Kristi, and she has two daughters. They are all wonderful, kind, generous, good, and understanding.
I married Brad in 2014, and I have never been more adored, loved, respected, and appreciated in all my life. Never. I have also never loved as madly, passionately, and – right through my bones – been completely in love. But for having my children, which is a different (altogether… intentionally placed) love – THIS, this is sheer willed, dreamed-into-life, magical, earth shattering, fucking raw, unapologetic, reciprocal, sexy, tender, fun, L O V E.
Brad has two boys. They are the little (bigger than me) loves of our life. Handsome, smart, and have more to say than they are capable of sharing now. Their time is coming but I suspect it will have less to do with us and more to do with their future choices.
Do we ALL get all along? Yes. We do. Hate us for it, like us for it, but we just do.
Disclaimer: Brad has an ex-wife. We don’t get along. “Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge” – Don Henley. Brad also has an 18 year old daughter.
Our life is rich. It’s full, filled. It’s so 2017 in the month of May! Thank God for growth and enlightenment and forgiveness, and for this spectacular chance at peace. The good, the bad, the ugly, and the REAL happen here. Don’t think for one second it’s easy; it ain’t (yes, I know “ain’t” is a controversial word in grammar but it’s relatable, so… ain’t, ain’t, ain’t)!
So much more to come,
Tanya B.
Recent Comments