As I start to type, I’m not entirely sure how this post will end up. So many thoughts swirling in my head. I learned early this morning that my sister-in-law, Lynne (Earlyn), has lost her battle with cancer. We knew it was coming. This post isn’t about her though, because privacy – but I’m heartbroken for my nieces – Lynne’s daughters, and for their daughters and sons. It brings back memories of losing my mom, dad and my other siblings who’ve passed. Especially my brother Russ, Lynne’s husband. I’ll bet they’re having a romantic Valentine’s Day in heaven, together after 20 years apart.
Nothing delivers a blow to your day, week, month, year, life, quite like learning of a loved one’s passing. Whether you were close to them, close to their loved ones, or distant at the time of their death – if you’re human, if you “feel”, it hurts.
Death has a way of bringing things into sharp focus. Sure, you run the gamut of emotions for a long while, but through the burn of salty tears, the physical pain in your ribs from weeping, and all that despair and emptiness, one thing is crystal clear… LIFE.
The things we quarrel about, the scores we try this way and that way to settle, the stories we make SO large – in an instant, none of it matters.
I’ve been the champion, the tough girl, the one with a voice, the one who offended and the one who was offended over pettiness. I’ve spoke truth to power and sometimes prevailed, but most times I suffered in the end. None of that impresses me anymore. I no longer have the desire to be “right”.
Over the years, I’ve learned there are three sides to every story (yours, theirs, and the truth). The sides aren’t always miles apart from each other, sometimes the story lines are nuanced and quite close. But everyone has their own perspective clouding the truth in any given situation.
I’ve also learned people are mostly good. They misstep, they disappoint, they fail, they hurt and they’re hurting, but mostly they feel bad about all of it afterward.
Nah, what impresses me now, in my ’40’s – is kindness and love. How much of it can we show each other? And don’t even get me started on forgiveness. Whether it’s asked for or not, it’s FREEING to let go of needing to hear someone tell you they’re sorry before you will forgive them. Just do it.
You suffer when you’re angry. My goodness! Who has the time or energy, to be angry?
Yes, be principled. Fight peacefully for what you believe in. And listen. We don’t do enough of that. We can all get better at that.
I wonder, do you think it’s really worth it now or even in the very, very end to have been so self righteous? To scorch the earth? I guess if winning and ego are important to you, the answer would be a super awkward, yes. But I’ve witnessed enough death and tragedy to know it’s not worth it.
Love, people! Just love and be kind and be good and forgive yourself and others. Just surrender.
Valentine’s Day isn’t only about romantic love – it’s a great reminder to love. Love LIFE.
RIP Lynne + Russ
More to come,
Tanya B.
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