by tanyabittner | Dec 27, 2016 | Today
With the highs and lows of 2016 a l m o s t behind us, wait. Seriously? Geeze… even as I type this I’m reading Carrie Fisher has died. What else will you throw at us 2016?
Shake it off. I tell myself + you.
Sorry for the sharp conversational turn right off the top like that, but man, these 2016 losses of life, election, pride, honor, self, humility, kindness, and loss of I N T E G R I T Y – have hit hard. Real hard. Especially this last quarter.
This was supposed to be a post about priorities as you plan for 2017. Less about goal setting and resolutions – more about what you learned (good and good… because lessons are always good, especially the tough ones) and how you’ll make a conscious effort to evolve (mentally, physically, and spiritually), accept, wish-well for others, and follow your heart’s desires. This year is the year to GO AFTER EVERYTHING YOU WANT.
Be obsessed. More than ever before.
Sure, these are still great priorities and please be relentless in your effort to bring them to pass. But the undertone, the baseline of 2017, maybe it’s about, liberation.
What?
Yes.
Liberation. Freedom.
Punchy words with a hell of a meaning, right?
This year, what if we challenge ourselves to be deliberate in our thoughts and actions with liberation in mind?
Freedom to openly love who you want, freedom to be loved, financial freedom, freedom to cross borders peacefully, freedom to choose, freedom from judgement, freedom to be happy, freedom to live as healthy as you want in mind, body, and spirit. Finally freed from a past love…
Freedom to heal and forgive, at your pace.
Imagine the kind of inner circle (friends, family, coworkers), government and world we’d live in if we all genuinely wanted our fellow humans to live freely, and peacefully without being envious or jealous of their successes and happiness? For us ALL to be liberated!
Ask yourself, “Will this choice lead to the liberation I’m looking for? And, do I wish this same freedom/liberation for others?”
I’ll just pause there for these loaded questions to sink in – and you’re gonna need practice… asking and answering.
In closing, and if nothing else, let’s say goodbye to 2016 with appreciation we lived through it.
Let’s lead with liberation in 2017.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Oct 24, 2016 | Today
This! It’s become a favorite technique.
Unplug. Unplugging.
10 years ago we would never have used either version of the word as a method of rejuvenating. I’m not just talking about technology either – I’m talking complete disengagement from toxicity, negativity, worry, guilt and doubt. IT’S INCREDIBLY HARD to surrender your concerns but when you let the universe and God decide how things will end up, when you just let it be – you’ll find the peace you’ve been searching for. It’s not a one and done kind of thing though… you’ll find yourself letting go over and over and over. Sometimes the outcome will be exactly what you hoped, other times not even close, but often times, it’s way better than you ever imagined.
It’s a conditioning of the thoughts.
Wait, what does that mean?
First, everything is interpretive here, hopefully you’ll find things that you can relate to and you’ll go with that. I see the analytics on this site and so I know it’s helping some of you! Love it!
Anyway, my interpretation of conditioning of the thoughts is like doing dumbbell curls or running. Some days I can run six miles without breaking a sweat and other days I can barely make it two miles without everything hurting. Same with curls. Some days I can curl 15 pounds, other days I’m lucky if I can handle the five pounders. Anyway, you get it. You have to keep doing it. Conditioning during the good days to prepare you for the not so good ones.
Our minds and bodies are the same like that. Some burdens feel heavier than others on any given day. Sometimes you power through and the results are rewarding, other days you pack it in before you begin, just pull the sheets over your head and call it a day. And for us women, hormones come in to play too, so don’t discount how those affect your moods. It’s not an excuse, it’s a reality… especially for those of us nearing menopause years :). I’m not a doctor. Just a wife, mom, friend, sibling, and sometimes a hormonally challenged woman (she says proudly).
What I’m saying here is, that nervous energy, the constant over-thinking… it’s not changing the outcome of anything. It’s just not. My mama use to say, “don’t borrow trouble”. Listen, I’m not suggesting you do anything irresponsible here… if time’s up and you need to finish a project, take care of your kids, make good on a promise or something… then do it. So, everyday responsibilities aside, whatever it is that’s got you tied up today – here are 10 tips (in no particular order) for unplugging from your worries and taking your mind off the uneasiness:
- Laundry
- Exercise
- Write
- Work
- Clean
- Read
- Wine (not whine)
- Bake (something that requires a lot of ingredients and measuring)
- Dance
- Snuggle (your spouse, significant other, kids, friends, pets, your blankets)
Just let it go, set it down. Whatever it is. And enjoy your beautiful life. It’s too short – you know it.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Oct 10, 2016 | Today
A personal essay.
It’s all I’ve ever wanted to feel. At peace.
From the time my father died when I was eight years old, setting off a chain reaction of some truly awful stuff – I longed for inner peace.
I couldn’t articulate it then of course, because I didn’t even know the word or concept. The idea and later, the search for peace, became synonymous with rummaging through life for happiness. And so I went off on a journey looking for it (peace/happiness) in all the wrong places, with all the wrong motivations. As a teenager I thought I could find it with a good-boy, then, a bad-boy (head scratcher). As an adult I played it safer with a more familial choice in relationship and then with zeal I raced through college obsessed with securing a dream job – and that would do it for sure!
Nope.
As I got older, I believed money and success would bring it, and having babies would somehow, magically provide it. Still, no. Please don’t get me wrong – YES of course over decades I experienced happiness. Though, I was never at peace. Always on edge.
Divorce. And then remarrying… now THESE life changers would finally produce peace/happiness with a big, beautiful bow – right?
Ah, it’s taken a lot of soul searching, misstepping, flat out mistakes, bad judgement calls, the pain of others, pain like I’ve never known, hours of therapy, decluttering my mind, experiencing enlightenment, a love I can count on, and most importantly, forgiveness, to finally feel it. Yeeesssss!
But that’s a lot of work to put in – over a hell of a lot of years – just to fall off the metaphorical wagon… but I have, a few times over the last month. Old wounds can still bite.
You see, you’re never alone.
Usually when I “allow” someone or some incident to resurrect an old wound is when I regress. Maybe only for a few moments, maybe it lasts an hour, or maybe it carries on for a few days… but that I “allow” it is unbelievably frustrating. Because, I know better intellectually. Nonetheless, a lever is pulled. I fall into the trap – I get hooked. Reminded, I’m Human.
On the other side of that regression, a deeper level of healing happens.
Thank you Danielle LaPorte. It’s so true. The healing is intensified. All the self-work the last five years has paid off.
In my 40’s, I’ve come to realize these two states of being aren’t synonyms for one another at all. Happiness does not beget peace OR vice versa. And you won’t find either in the high and ego of a financial windfall.
Peace is a state of mind – happiness is a state of, happy.
I’ve also come to accept that nothing in life is ever a mistake, or a bad judgment – but rather purposeful steps in personal evolution that lead you to exactly, precisely, where you are right now, next week, next month, next year… everything always happens as it’s meant to.
I tend to feel all emotions in a crude way, allowing them to fully come in. I’ve had to learn to draw upon (an ever maturing) ability to accept and clutch pain in particular, set new boundaries, and then, be thankful for it. A necessary emotional purging takes place and that peaceful state of mind does emerge.
Telling your husband and a few best friends about it helps too 🙂
It is utter contentment.
So this is an open letter to me and you, to continue to work at getting comfortable with uncertainty, to never-EVER look back, and by the grace of God (or whatever higher power you pray to) accept the direction our lives have taken and embrace those two states of being whenever we feel them coming on – free from the burden of self-reproach or self-condemnation.
I had a wonderful weekend despite a recent backslide from an old wound. Friday’s pre-birthday dinner, Saturday morning presents with Brad and the girls, phone calls from the boys, homecoming pictures, and visits with new friends, to sleep-in-Sunday, an unexpected, pleasant birthday wish, and even a creepy one. This has been THE best birthday of my life. At 44, I am completely at peace and happy and I’m wishing it for you too :).
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Sep 26, 2016 | Today
You have a fresh start today! Whoo hoo!
Leave the insecurities, self-loathing, fear and regret behind you.
Be less serious and more playful!
C’mon, just do it. Forgive yourself. Look in the mirror, and smile at who you see :). G’ahead… smile… just a little… Remember everything you’ve already accomplished – maybe you’re a mom (sure, to pets counts), a stepmom, a provider, a creator, a leader… who cares what happened yesterday. Start fresh :).
If you’re really feeling energized and perky – GO BIG! Start that project, finish one, lace up those shoes and get moving, re-dedicate, vow to make it all the way through your to-do-list, compromise more – way more, forgive, be rebellious, wonder, explore, create, align, re-align, love yourself, REPEAT.
Here’s a tip:
When you’re laser focused on staying positive, nuggets of luck pop up everywhere.
An idea, a decision, an offer, some love, a break – you’ll know it when you see it, hear it, or feel it. It’s the universe’s way of rewarding you. Keep it up!
Being positive is an intrinsic part of your journey to becoming a better, more evolved, enlightened, you. But it’s going to take practice.
Malcolm Gladwell says it takes 10,000 hours of practice to master anything so if you practice being negative, judgmental, hard on yourself, conniving and shitty to others, you’ll become an expert at all of it. Or, you can practice every day to be positive, kind, the right amount of generous, empathetic, and forgiving of yourself and others.
Think about that though… even if you practice 24/7 for one year, you’d still be shy of being an expert positive thinker. So two things:
- Cut yourself some slack; it won’t happen over night – or, even in a year as it turns out and;
- Embrace the hard work; there will be set backs, so keep practicing.
Here’s to a happy, positive, clear minded you :).
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Sep 16, 2016 | Today
You can be accomplished, you can succeed, you can wear different hats at the same time (or not), you can be a provider, you can be a leader, you can recover, you can find love, you can rebuild, you can get in shape, you can be healthier… Yes, You Can.
Do not contingency plan.
If you want any and all of these things – hell, if you need them, get after it.
One foot in front of the other.
It won’t happen over night. Slow and steady wins this race. You’ll need help along the way. Ask for it. Be thankful. Repay your debts, no matter how long it takes. You will misstep. Get back up. Brush that shit off and, live.
Fucking , live and laugh while you’re working your ass off to get what you want.
Some will encourage you. Others will wait for you to fall just to judge you. Even more. Yes, they already do.
It doesn’t matter. None of that matters. Focus on you.
Get on with it…
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Sep 14, 2016 | Today
Before yesterday, it had been awhile since posting – and that’s due in large part to the blessings of projects at work, some enriching opportunities, and lately, f i n a l l y, some free flowing creativity! But man have I been aching to get back here to you :).
The last few weeks have been peppered with thoughts of how to feed the creative spirit when we’re feeling wretched about ourselves (or others). What blocks our creativity in these times – what prevents imagination, innovation, experimentation?
I’ve re-discovered it’s those damn back stories. We just attach them to everything don’t we? There’s a storyline attached to every predicament, every argument, every judgment, every closed off belief, every insecurity, every opinion, maybe even…
every.
interaction.
Gasp.
I know whenever I’m feeling crappy emotionally and spiritually, there’s generally a story gnawing at me while I’m trying to make a point, a decision or just trying to move through the day. Maybe this happens for you too – or maybe it’s just me (do you think it’s just me?)… but, thinking more critically, are we ever fully present if we’re listening to an old story or watching a life movie replay in our mind’s eye? Doubt it. We’re likely not making clear decisions or valid points either. We certainly aren’t in a state of mindfulness allowing for the ability to cut ourselves or others, some slack. Story lines include preconceived opinions, emotions and our well conditioned ways of dealing.
I was turned on to this storyline idea from Pema Chödrön’s book, “Living Beautifully With Uncertainty and Change”. (I’ve read the book, annotated on almost every page and if you read my blog you know I cite Pema a lot. I’m her student even though she doesn’t know it). A n y w a y, while promoting the book back in 2012, Pema wrote:
“It’s not life that causes suffering, it’s our story about life – our interpretation – that causes so much distress. It isn’t the current storyline that’s the root of our pain; it’s our propensity to be bothered in the first place. The propensity to feel sorry for ourselves, the propensity to be jealous, the propensity to get angry—our habitual, all-too-familiar emotional responses are like seeds that we just keep watering and nurturing.”
I swear I hear angels sing when I read her words. “Ahhhhhhhhhhhh” So powerful. And, so true for me. Let it go (I tell myself). Right now – not later. Right. Now. Unless you like feeling miserable, then by all means hold on tight.
Yes – you have to practice this… the letting go part. Practice re-conditioning yourself to be present and not stuck in the routine of reacting a certain way. If you can catch yourself reacting the way you always have – and re-set… you open, you soften, and you try a new way of “dealing”… I’ve done this successfully. Recently even. It works. It takes practice but it works. Those bad feelings toward self or others begin to fade almost instantly. Wretched feeling gone. Hello peace and forgiveness and listening.
Creative juices flowing :).
More to come,
Tanya B.
Recent Comments