by tanyabittner | Mar 24, 2016 | Today
Ok so in the spirit of intercommunication (the action of engaging in two-way conversation) and interconnectedness (a oneness in all things), let’s examine a few words and their definitions (thank you Google):
- Emotion
- Cultural
- Health
- Maternal Instinct
Emotion: a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.
Cultural: of or relating to the ideas, customs, and social behavior of a society of people.
Health: the state of being free from illness or injury.
Maternal Instinct: an inborn tendency to want to protect and nurture one’s offspring.
Sure, these words and their definitions independent of one another are pretty straight forward, they’re vanilla. But when you put them together as human characteristics in their most nuanced and vulnerable contexts, these words take on very different meanings.
For example, if a mother who’s multi-cultural (passionate and intense in moments of fear) is staring mortality in the face (so, unhealthy and scared), resulting in a heightened maternal instinct/tendency to want to protect her kids (see mortality) is repeatedly put in a defensive position, the result will almost assuredly be EMOTIONAL.
Being surprised by that outcome is akin to jumping off a boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, while covered in blood into a frenzy of sharks and expecting them not to eat you.
I think what makes someone compassionate is the ability to feel your own pain and confusion or recall how you felt when you experienced pain and confusion because if you’ve suffered, couldn’t others? Own it – and acknowledge that while people may have different story lines for what’s pushed them to the edge – when it comes to reacting to those situations – WE. ALL. BEHAVE. THE. SAME. WAY. (Thank you Pema Chodron). Enter oneness.
Listen to learn. See: Hold Up title.
Whether you’re in the hospitality business, technology, education, the arts, or science… or your main interactions during any given day are with the grocery store clerk… doesn’t matter. When you’re connecting with people regularly it’s important to have an awareness of them, not just you. If you can just think for a moment before you engage: “What’s the most likely outcome vs. the intended outcome… And how close are they aligned?” Human behavior is 93% predictable (in 2010, a group of leading Northeastern University network scientists concluded). If you’re astute and take environment and circumstance into consideration, you can probably predict the outcome of most of your interactions. Pause.
Mindfulness requires conditioning… it’s not something you just “get”.
It takes years of practice to develop… if you want to. Be mindful that is.
Be deliberate. Be intentional. Be aware. Be mindful.
Give people time to adjust to their new realities, if you’re privy to those. Pump the breaks until you start to see their protective shields coming back down (see human behavior). Uncertainty is everywhere and in everything.
People are inherently good. Yes, there are some real fu*^ing assholes out there. But generally speaking… people are imperfect and they misstep, but they are good.
I will believe that until the day I die.
Peace out.
More to come,
Tanya
by tanyabittner | Mar 22, 2016 | Today
That’s right. YOU.
Whether you’re the mom who needs an extra set of hands (or two, or, or) to be the best mom you can be, or the woman unapologetic for being fierce when it’s called for (and you get to choose when that is because it’s your perception), or the wife who just received some bad health news, or just that person on the edge… of a miracle, or of spinning off.
You’re
still
dope.
Come back to that feeling of compassion for others and yourself. Come back to that place of love for others and yourself, of forgiving others and yourself.
Do and be the best you can in the moment, then vow to do and be better in the next.
No judgment here.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Jan 30, 2016 | Today
Recently I heard a version of a story often told by psychologist and mediation teacher, Tara Brach.
Imagine you are walking in the woods and you see a small dog. You’re about to pet the dog. Suddenly it snarls and tries to bite you. You go from wanting to pet it, to being angry that it wants to attack you. As you turn to leave in judgement, you see the dog has one of its legs caught in a trap. Now, you feel compassion for the snarling dog. You know it became aggressive because it is in pain and is suffering. (YogaLife, September 2014)
And there it is. The moment you immediately identify with the dog, and that lady who got so angry at you for cutting her off on the freeway, or the coach you love who yelled at you and your kid after practice. You even identify with YOU… for doing all the same things to others at one time or another.
People who hurt, hurt. It’s real.
The foot in a trap is analogous to feelings of betrayal, hurt, misunderstandings, miscommunication, frustration, lack of control, injustice, you name it…
I’m not suggesting you subject yourself to abuse or regular aggression. I am suggesting you have compassion for the people who lash out at you, mistreat you, condemn you, misunderstand you, accuse you, or lose their patience with you. Remember the snarling dog. Their behavior may have nothing to do with you at all. As my mama would say, “don’t borrow trouble”.
People are generally good and genuinely care. Don’t judge them.
Enjoy your weekend – surround yourself with your tribe, or good books, or soothing music, or rock and roll, or a workout, or whatever and whomever helps you LOVE YOU!
Cue cheesy grin :).
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Jan 22, 2016 | Today
I can NOT believe the heaps of positive energy enveloping 2016 so far! It’s like Elastigirl from The Incredibles…. potential is just wrapped around and around and around, ALL of us!
Can’t you feel it?
I’m not talking about seeing social media pictures of happy faces, laughter, designer clothes, big wins, extravagant vacations and million dollar homes kind of positive energy and potential – that’s misleading and not ‘every-day’ for most people.
I’m talking about life-changes effortlessly falling into place that were once a struggle, or opportunities presenting themselves that otherwise would never have been considered, or situations that remain status quo instead of crumbling… oh, and how about mini-dreams and goals finally coming to pass?!
This is going to be a great year!
I’m witnessing SO many tiny miracles happen for loved ones, friends and even acquaintances. It appears contagious too!
Being happy and supportive of people you love and care about can put you in a state of mindfulness that awakens you to realize small glimmers of hope have turned into large measures of tangible reality for you!
Just the idea of a negative conversation or thought right now seems like a betrayal of this good vibration.
Easy does it though… Remember, this spirited energy will get interrupted. Don’t label it “bad”. Take the opportunity now when things are really jiving to remind yourself of the groundlessness and uncertainty of *every* situation… our paths can change course quickly.
Allow yourself and others to express what I like to call, “human moments” or, bursts of thrill and excitement, or frustration and sorrow.
Just don’t live there in those moments… Practice neutral.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Jan 1, 2016 | Today
2015…
Do not go gentle into that good night.
– Dylan Thomas
And you sure didn’t.
2015 was mostly a sea of dreams. But last week? Well, let’s just say 2015 and the universe were clearly at odds and they kept us on our toes to the end!
Reflecting on the whole, 2015 was filled with love, sprinkled with victories, wrought with minor yet annoying medical conditions, legal battles, heaps of change (all good thankfully), a little travel, and a lot of peace. We have been blessed.
We woke to a new day, a new year, new outlook, new blessings, new goals and expectations for 2016.
Your year is what *you* make it. You have to be obsessed with achieving what you wish for, that is to say, what your heart is whispering to you. It’s not enough to daydream about it.
Align your life to make it happen!
Leave the doubt and excuses back in 2015. This year is your best YOU yet!
Happy New Year!
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Dec 28, 2015 | Today
I believe that’s true. Perception is reality and everyone can have a different perception or interpretation of situations, conversations, someone’s personality/behavior, intentions, circumstances, shapes and even colors.
How you perceive things or people may be entirely different than how your friend, acquaintance, loved one, stranger, or colleagues perceive.
That’s because you may be different ages, sexes, nationalities and you all have different experiences, values, memories, expectations, beliefs and environmental conditions.
I would caution against assuming someone is engaging in subterfuge just because their interpretation or perception at one place in time is different from yours. For example a flippant remark may be no more than a lack of vocabulary or inability to articulate in the moment.
There’s nothing wrong with being intellectually curious about things or trying to find answers to puzzling questions or situations but be careful not to label or draw inaccurate conclusions.
You can’t unsay or unhear some things especially the kind that sting, but you can forgive, understand and believe people are inherently good.
I do.
More to come,
Tanya B.
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