by tanyabittner | Sep 7, 2021 | Today
Haven’t written here in awhile. So, hi :). How’ve you been?
While you’re thinking about how to answer that, I’ll start with how I have managed lately. The short and sour of it is, I’ve been at the breaking point – since about May of 2020. I’ve had it. Done. Over it. Only to not actually have, “had. it.“ or ever really be, “done” or “over it.” Repeatedly. Same for you?
Since I can’t run away from COVID, politics, controlling people, discrimination, this war on women’s bodies (only), and everything else that gets me fired up and stuck, I started setting boundaries.
Sounds great… except it’s become kinda confusing because while I’m setting them, there are others I’m also trying push.
Set boundaries. Push boundaries. Put your card in. Remove your card. Walk. Don’t walk. Mute. Unmute.
No wonder we have such anxiety.
Anyway. You’re not alone. Ever. Blessed and tested. It’s the only way. The antidote to all this noise and chaos, is to create.
So go on, now.
More to come,
Tanya B.
by tanyabittner | Oct 2, 2019 | Today
They may not say it clearly, but they show you undoubtedly.
- They always remind you why you left.
- They always remind you how easy they made it for you.
- They always remind you they never really loved you, not really.
- They always remind you why you couldn’t count on them.
- They always remind you why you don’t need them.
- They always remind you why they weren’t worth it.
And. You’ll get through it. Without them.
More to come,
Tanya S.
by tanyabittner | Sep 2, 2019 | Today
**EDIT**
After almost four months of sticking to the custody arrangement, the parents haven’t needed to communicate and dad reports his life has been so much quieter. It’s a high-conflict divorce, dream.
True story:
After six years of compliance, mom suddenly refuses to communicate/coparent with dad through the court ordered system, Our Family Wizard (OFW) they’ve been using since 2013.
She declared she will email to dad’s personal and work emails, and text message him, instead.
None of these forms of communication are court approved (and don’t actually even reach dad) because mom’s been so verbally abusive on these platforms in the past – she’s been blocked from them altogether.
But yet, mom tells kids (such a no no), “I refuse to use OFW and your dad has control issues” 😂.
OKURRRR
Obeying the rules in a high conflict divorce with a narcissist is the only way to stay sane — control away, dad.
#reallife
by tanyabittner | Aug 14, 2019 | Today
Moms with shared custody, what if you didn’t put a negative spin on everything?
What if you didn’t say:
- Dad never goes to parent/teacher conferences and that’s bad
- Dad doesn’t know who your teachers are and that’s bad
- Dad wants to put his time with you before your friends and activities and that’s bad
And instead, what if you said:
- I’m happy to handle all the parent/teacher conferences while dad works hard to help provide for you
- It’s perfectly fine dad doesn’t know your teachers because I’m doing a good job communicating with him about all your school work but if there was a problem, he’d be happy to meet your teachers to figure out a solution
- I know you want to hang with your friends this weekend and/or visit a museum but time with your dad is more important because you don’t see him as much as you see me or even your friends
What if THAT was the message to your kids instead?
The seeds you plant in their minds will grow… why on earth would you want them to have any internal or external conflict?
Because you’re mad dad?
Not good enough. You can be mad at dad without making him a bad guy to your kids. You can expect more from dad without sharing those expectations with the kids.
Do better moms. Want better for your kids.
More to come,
Tanya S.
by tanyabittner | Aug 14, 2019 | Today
Just a reminder for California moms and dads:
You may NOT put your child in therapeutic care without prior consent of BOTH parents.
Every post divorce judgment is different but for example, ours states that major decisions including (but not limited to) these bulleted below, require BOTH parents to AGREE:
- Participation in mental health counseling, therapy, or treatment;
- Non emergency medical or psychiatric treatment
So that the aforementioned can’t be circumvented, California law further states the minor may only enroll him/her self in therapeutic care without parental consent if two family code requirements are met. TWO. NOT ONE OR THE OTHER. BUT BOTH. In California, that Family Code is 6924.
It states that a minor who is 12 years of age or older may only consent to mental health treatment or counseling on an outpatient basis, or to residential shelter services, if both of the following requirements are satisfied:
(1) The minor, in the opinion of the attending professional person, is mature enough to participate intelligently in the outpatient services or residential shelter services,
AND (not OR)
(2) The minor would present a danger of serious physical or mental harm to self or to others without the mental health treatment or counseling or residential shelter services, or is the alleged victim of incest or child abuse.
We’re all for therapy over here. But if kids need to seek professional help to cope with their parents’ HIGH CONFLICT divorce (and they should), the therapist should be a neutral party having never treated the parents together or individually, before.
Ethics and good parenting would prevent a therapist clearly aligned to one parent, from treating the minor child of a highly contentious divorce – most especially without the prior consent of BOTH parents.
Especially, Especially IF the parent selecting the therapist (without the other parent’s consent [so shady]) has been treated by said therapist for years… and who has alienated one of the other children in the family already!
I can’t underscore enough that if a therapist has been involved in the parental conflict, or has exclusively treated one parent, he or she must NEVER be counseling the minor children on how to adjust or process their parents’ choices, actions and behaviors, most especially without the prior consent of BOTH parents.
What makes me the expert? Fucking common sense, that’s what.
Moms and dads, if you really love your kids and want them to seek counseling to deal with the anxieties that accompany divorce, do them a favor and find a neutral party who will give priority and therapeutic allegiance to the minor patient, not you. Any, and I mean ANY argument for pushing a therapist you’ve been treated by without the other parent’s consent is SHADY, SELF SERVING, UNLOVING, ILLEGAL and MANIPULATIVE.
No word salad, bull shit here.
More to come,
Tanya S.
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