Authenticity

Oh em gee this one word… it gets so much air time for all the wrong reasons.

For example:

“The Kardashians aren’t authentic”.

Well, I disagree. And no, this post isn’t about Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe… they’re just an illustration; a case in point. And, they’re pop culture phenomenons.

Let me (try to) explain.

Authentic synonyms: genuine, real, bona fide, true, veritable.

Are you inauthentic if you dye your hair, get Botox, have a boob job, nose job, butt job, and take hundreds of selfies over a vacation?  I don’t think so. For the record, I don’t even know if the Kardashians have had any enhancements.  I also don’t think the Kardashains behave much differently behind the cameras as they do in front of them. When are they ever not in front of a camera? I mean, they made their reality TV debut almost 10 years ago – we’ve. watched. them. for. 10. years.  Sure, their physical appearances have changed some, but in large part, at each new chapter of their lives, they’ve consistently evaluated situations and adjusted their lifestyles accordingly. Divorce, Transgender Issues, Relationships, Motherhood, Near Death Experiences, Childhood Loss, and more.  Not sure those get more “authentic”. The Kardashians were present in those moments, and evolved right on through them.

Nah, I think authenticity is confused a lot with the word, “natural”.  My hair is currently blondish, but naturally it’s brown with a hell of a lot of grey.  I have cellulite, wrinkles, dark circles, stretch marks and age spots.  I’ll be 45 years old next year and while I’ve neither had Botox, a boob job, nose job, lip injections nor a butt job (is that really a thing?), I do color my hair and I’m known to take selfies. So what? Big effing Deal. I think I’m both natural and authentic.

Authenticity especially, is deeper for me.  It’s when your words are backed by your actions and align with your beliefs and values at that place in time.

Authenticity means living your truth with integrity as you grow, as you age, as you transition, as. you. evolve.

Can you believe the truth you’re living today is authentic… but then, days, weeks, years later – challenge that truth, and realize a new one? YES. For example, I never imagined myself divorced. Marriage was a belief system with vows you did not break. Yet here I am, divorced and happily, peacefully remarried to someone else.

Disclaimer: I am not an advocate of divorce.  I also don’t judge people who are divorced.

Does being divorced mean I am inauthentic? No, it means my belief about suffering, love, happiness, loyalty, and fulfillment changed. Dramatically. I grew up in an environment where you bottled up your pain, love (while it couldn’t flip on-and-off) came with strings attached, loyalty was fleeting, and fulfillment didn’t matter.

Rather quickly and painfully, I got to know myself more intimately.  From that revelation, I consciously decided to unleash childhood grief and misery, heal, accept unconditional love, happiness was no longer defined by the caliber of “friends” I kept, or the school my kids attended, loyalty is resolute especially (most especially) when times are tough, and fulfillment isn’t a story book ending it’s the achievement of having been healed, loved, received happiness, and embraced loyalty.

I’m still the same person. I’m still kind. I’d still give my life for anyone I love. Even for those I don’t speak with regularly. And, I’d also still bite your head off (or worse) if you hurt my kids. Same me with some new, grown-up truths.  At what point do we take the beliefs and values bestowed upon us as children by our parents and other care givers, evaluate them, and decide for ourselves what we believe in and value as adults? For some, it happens in their teens. For me, it happened as an adult, after I’d already become a mother and almost immediately after my own mother died.

That’s when the seed to live authentically in a new way began to grow.  As my old life became increasingly foggy – the clarity I subconsciously sought in order to survive became a watering mechanism.  A new side of my authenticity emerged.  A better version of who I was branded to be.  My beliefs aren’t all that dissimilar from when I was kid, neither are my values.  I just began to challenge the environmental foundation from which they were built. You can’t bolster an entire life on match sticks… there’s just too many wicks at-the-ready to catch fire and scorch the earth. Which is exactly what happened.

Told you it wasn’t about the Kardashians :).

It’s actually all about personal choices. Sexual, spiritual, political, whatever.  Care less about the social triggers, pressures and reality shows, and more about you.  Evolving, growing, high-integrity, authentic – you. Let’s respect each other, forgive, and always ask, “how would I feel if it happened to me”…

More to come,

Tanya B.