Whether you were the one who initiated the D word or your ex-spouse, inevitably: Life. Goes. On. More often than not, it’s happier too.
If you are newly separated, or recently served (yes, we ALL either serve – or – are served) with divorce papers, then this next paragraph is for you.
Divorce rips a jagged, deep trench in your heart whether it was a mutual decision to split or not. Sometimes the pain you feel is guilt for the scars you know your choices will leave on your kids’ tiny hearts and sometimes it’s more selfish. More raw and fleshy. Immobilizing you. A natural consequence of unravelling decades you spent making promises to each other that in the end – kids or not – neither of you will keep. A loss of identity. Who are you now? You will be scarred. No doubt about it.
Silver Lining: Scars represent old wounds. They chronicle your family’s journey, each one with a different perspective of what happened. But they also symbolize healing.
When we allow ourselves to heal, that’s when “life after divorce” can get wildly fulfilling! But you have to try. You can’t be a spectator in your own life.
Sure, you’ll find comfort and support among family and friends at first. They’re the best for having late night phone calls and sharing copious amounts of wine. But sooner or later you will have to sit alone and recreate your life.
Discover new desires, or rediscover buried ones.
Whether you asked for it or not, you have another shot at being your best you. Take the trips you wanted to take, read books (because you have more time now), get healthy, resurrect a career you always wanted, see old friends, hold your children closer, welcome love, and by all means, allow the energy of these new experiences to keep you moving forward.
You’ll know it’s time to let go of your past when you stop confusing your beating heart for throbbing scars.
Here’s (cheers) to having a happier life after divorce! I mean, what’s the alternative?
More to come,
Tanya B.
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