2016 has actually been pretty great. Right up until the day before my 44th birthday (in early October) – things had really fallen into place this year. On the blended family front, routines were well established, boundaries respected (for the most part), everyone budgeted for the dough coming in, and going out. There was an easiness to one side of the divorce equation and an appreciated/welcomed quiet on the other side. Sure, there was shit peppered like fertilizer throughout the year, but new things grew from it and so overall, there were far more good times than bad!
Speaking of unpleasant experiences… let’s just get it out of the way, “the election” was nasty. It was sandwiched between all that goodness and those sub-par moments like gross, orange custard in a layer cake when most people just wanted frosting in the middle. Problem is, now that you’ve bit into it, you have to eat it, because it’s polite and respectful but all you want to do is fast forward (four years) until it’s all over.
Anyway, 2016 has been a significant, evolutionary year. Life was more aligned than ever. Work is and was amazing, the girls are thriving at dance and school, August had a stellar year of football, and even though Mas was injured most of the season, his desire to play soccer and remain athletic was renewed. Brad is enjoying his new work with an old friend, and the significance and blessing of our beautiful love story is revealed exponentially, day-after-day. Most especially during tough times – I know I can always count on my husband to pick me up (sometimes quite literally), and make it all better.
So, without writing about exactly what happened October 7th – let’s just say by happenstance, I learned someone I trusted completely had been secretly plotting to settle an old score – one we agreed just a few years earlier, though heartbreaking – was mutually regretful and we equally shouldered the blame. Peace was made. Or so I thought.
Having gone through the five stages of grief more times than I can count, I knew exactly what was happening when I felt all those emotions come in waves over the last month – I’ve been grieving a loss. The loss of a 30 year friendship that brought with it the kind of familial love that didn’t need coercing, it just remained even though there was no need for it to.
Well, that’s gone now.
Extinguished.
I can’t say if it’s for the best or not yet because the casualties haven’t all been counted and I can’t see around the corner, let alone into the future. But, it’s the right outcome for me. I promised myself five years ago I wouldn’t allow negative attachments (past or present) to take hold of my life ever again.
I’m healing. Fresh life is being breathed in, and new realities are being worked through and I know everything will always be ok – because we’re always meant to be going through exactly what we are going through. There are no wrong turns or bad choices – just turns, and choices.
Things happen to us. Surprise us. Hurt us. Make us happy. It’s life. Unpredictable, uncertain, life.
Thank God we’re alive!
I never want to give the impression life is charming 24/7. That’s crazy. Truth is, it’s pretty fucking great most of the time, but there are days I’m rocked emotionally, spiritually, and even physically. It’s real. I’m real. Just like you.
Going for relatable here. We’re all in this together.
Here’s to a peaceful, healthy, and happy 2017.
More to come,
Tanya B.
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